I have a girlfriend. She’s sweet, but she ALWAYS talks over me when i’m upset to change the subject or to tell me to look at a cat video or Bluey or Hazbin Hotel funny clips.
i feel so bad for saying this, but when i tried to tell her i was struggling with depression, it took like 3 tries to get her to listen, and all she said was to just be happy and smile.
today, i tried to tell her one of my grandpas died recently and she just talked over me about funny videos and tiktok. even if i tell her to listen, she does‘t or starts getting sad, so even when she says i can tell her anything, i don’t often. Am i in the wrong for that?
Also, she sends laughing emojis when I tell her something like “I have a PTSD diagnosis” on the topic of mental health, and she constantly puts herself down and asks me to give her reasons why she’s a good girlfriend and not “stupid and ugly”.
You started well and then, well, went a bit off the rails?
This sounds more like a good fit for a relationship counselor that can help OP communicate with his gf. That would be a whole lot better than becoming manipulative and shut down
I feel that you too may benefit from counseling, reading what you just wrote
Yeah, I know. I’ve been in counseling pretty much my whole life. That’s fine.
The caveat is that, for some reason, we’re all expected not only to do the right thing but also to be morally adept in absolutely everything we do.
But the issue here is this: What happens when that doesn’t work? What if the solution requires something more aggressive, something that isn’t necessarily positive or pleasant?
Sometimes the best way to move forward is through confrontation. Sometimes you need to lash out, have an angry explosion, or force a difficult conversation that could ultimately be beneficial for both parties.
What’s significantly worse is simply telling OP to break up with his girlfriend, move on, and find someone better. That’s truly horrendous advice. It doesn’t benefit either party in any meaningful way, especially considering that we don’t even know these people or the circumstances surrounding their relationship.
So what’s the best advice to give here? He’s already been nice. He’s already tried talking to her. He’s already expressed himself in a way that should make his feelings clear, and yet she still isn’t responding.
People are animals on a fundamental level. We respond to stimuli, both positive and negative. Just because someone might resort to a negative strategy to elicit a response doesn’t automatically make the outcome negative. It could potentially save their entire relationship, or it could make both of them realize that they need to move on and find someone who’s better suited for them.
I genuinely feel that what I’m advising is significantly better than simply telling someone to break up with their partner and find somebody better. That’s truly horrible advice to give someone when you have so little information about their relationship.