The more I hear people talk about it who aren’t cis-het men, the more I hear criticism about the concept. But so far, I’ve only heard people say that it’s stupid, that it’s not a thing, that it’s men’s own fault etc. But I’ve yet to understand where that criticism comes from. I don’t want to start a discussion on whether or not it’s real or not. I just want to understand where the critics are coming from.
My husband is similar to this. We only hang out with our family these days.
I was unsure when we first started dating, and he seemed to only have a couple female friends. But he introduced me, and they were lovely. He never sexualized women, never pressured me for sex, and feeling unsure soon wore off realizing he was extremely loyal after not long.
He’s withdrawn quite a bit since getting sober and older. I hung out at a small party one of his friends was having. He didn’t want to/couldn’t go, so I went.
Everyone was kind of dumb, they only talked about other people they knew, and told drunken stories about being drunk before- it was boring. I’m understanding why he withdrew from the crowd.
One guy showed me a tiktok of some Ai looking lady who recovered from drug addiction, praising her, this person he never met, telling me how good she looked now, clearly super excited about it (drunk af), all while his girlfriend sat right there. We’re all mid to lat 30’s. He acted like he was 15. I couldn’t handle it lol. The only friend I liked was his old BF, a girl who is like a sister to him. She doesn’t drink. This girl said she was drinking white wine, before I left for the night I put the wine I brought for her in the fridge, I saw her bottle not even cracked open and laughed. Anyway.
You only need a few people to feel whole I find. My husband and his parents are great. That party felt like torture to me. But the tiktok guy and his gf were telling me about thier pool club. The play pool in the community a lot, and its definitely their third space. I may have found him dumb, but they had a whole crew of folks in their built community. I did compliment that. You gotta build the life you want.
Yeah, somehow that’s a thing, “…and we got so wasted!”. Being somewhat of a lush myself, I am sitting there drinking heavily listening to these stories and want to blurt out, “I’m getting wasted right now just to deal with having to listen to this.”
I’ve found that nonsexual friendships between the sexes aren’t usually possible in practice. It’s not because it’s necessarily the case that all friendships are based upon sex, but instead because someone somewhere (most often outside the relationship) will eventually believe that, and it will lead to drama that degrades or ends the underlying friendship.
Lol yeah, she recently got divorced and her husband was accusing her of cheating/sleeping with every man in the group, my husband included. I laughed when she told me, he’s the one who got a girlfriend within two weeks of the separation, she’s still single and focused on her children/work, even a year later.
It is rare, but I could tell she was just a friend. She’s just the only one who survived the friend group 20 years. It did cause a riff once in the beginning, I pretty rudely asked him why he didn’t have male friends in a fight. He was upset, and just shouted how everyone he was friends with back then went down shitty roads: drugs, suicide, prison, or women beaters, the few ladies he still knew from the group were the only ones who didnt fall into chaos. He really painted the picture for me so I could understand his pov. I’ve never worried since, and I’m better friends with them now anyway, he really has reclused himself, but he keeps in touch with his family and has their support.
He is happy as he could be given you know, life’s continued beatings. The only reason he didn’t fall to chaos himself, which he nearly did, he says, is because he’s always had his father’s support. He says I gave him reason to get sober, but his father absolutely saved his life multiple times over the years by being there for him.
I dated someone who was friends with thier now married ex. I tolerated it, and I trusted her, but I didnt trust him. I wanted to leave him, but he wouldn’t let me, and none of my efforts worked. Finally, after some time I managed to find support so I could leave him. He broke down, it was a whole thing, but he said to me one fight, I can’t love you because I’m still in love with her. Then.why.wouldnt.he.let.me.leave. ugh. I used to get lectures from him on love and loyalty, and he dropped that bit, I laughed in his face when he said it.
I will say its much easier to become an introvert when you are living with someone you trust and love. Outside validation becomes moot. Finding someone like that, is a very lucky thing, And often a treacherous road, for everyone, sex/gender non comforming alike, there isn’t discrimination in the pains of finding a person right for oneself.