My mom told me I should “go outside more often” so my depression can “go away”, but honestly how the fuck is that supposed to help, just one glance at the news headlines is enough to just discourage me from going outside.

(For context: we’re a non-white family of immigrants)

Like she asked me “do [I] want to just never go anywhere”, I’m like: I do, I wanna go visit Canada, I wanna travel the world, but I don’t wanna get stuck in some airport because border people are being a dick. I am a US Citizen, so to others I probably sound paranoid af since “there’s nothing to worry about” they say, but like… c’mon, I have anxiety and depression, how do I even control the emotions of fear that’s drowning me?.

My mom said since my dad isn’t a citizen and he doesn’t fear the current political atmosphere, that I’m “being a coward” for fearing this so much. And because in her mind she sees me as this coward, and therefore is discussing about leaving me out of the will and leaving me with nothing, because I’m this “coward” this “useless person” that don’t deserve to have anything. Because of depression and anxiety, she sees me the same way as people typically view mentally-challenged people. As if I’m just some hideous being. She says that if I can’t even have the courage to “go outside often and be a ‘normal’ human being”, I wouldn’t be able to handle/manage the assets/investments they have. (Small bussiness, won’t go into detail about it) Like no I have already helped her managed some of those stuff for a few years back when I was younger and didn’t have depression. I am capable of doing it, just depression is killing me. So now I’m not worthy anymore.

Is my excuse just pathetic? Like idk maybe I would’ve used another excuse in the other election timeline. But sure mom, “medications are bad”, “just go outside”, ffs my head hurts so much. This timeline definitely aint helping.

Sorry for the depression post, I don’t have anyone to talk to, so I’m just yelling into the internet void.