My mom told me I should “go outside more often” so my depression can “go away”, but honestly how the fuck is that supposed to help, just one glance at the news headlines is enough to just discourage me from going outside.
(For context: we’re a non-white family of immigrants)
Like she asked me “do [I] want to just never go anywhere”, I’m like: I do, I wanna go visit Canada, I wanna travel the world, but I don’t wanna get stuck in some airport because border people are being a dick. I am a US Citizen, so to others I probably sound paranoid af since “there’s nothing to worry about” they say, but like… c’mon, I have anxiety and depression, how do I even control the emotions of fear that’s drowning me?.
My mom said since my dad isn’t a citizen and he doesn’t fear the current political atmosphere, that I’m “being a coward” for fearing this so much. And because in her mind she sees me as this coward, and therefore is discussing about leaving me out of the will and leaving me with nothing, because I’m this “coward” this “useless person” that don’t deserve to have anything. Because of depression and anxiety, she sees me the same way as people typically view mentally-challenged people. As if I’m just some hideous being. She says that if I can’t even have the courage to “go outside often and be a ‘normal’ human being”, I wouldn’t be able to handle/manage the assets/investments they have. (Small bussiness, won’t go into detail about it) Like no I have already helped her managed some of those stuff for a few years back when I was younger and didn’t have depression. I am capable of doing it, just depression is killing me. So now I’m not worthy anymore.
Is my excuse just pathetic? Like idk maybe I would’ve used another excuse in the other election timeline. But sure mom, “medications are bad”, “just go outside”, ffs my head hurts so much. This timeline definitely aint helping.
Sorry for the depression post, I don’t have anyone to talk to, so I’m just yelling into the internet void.
Going outside more often won’t fix your depression, but staying inside will make it worse. I know “go exercise” is a cliche, but it is one for a reason. Laying in bed or sitting behind a desk all day is terrible for your mental health. Where I live there were lockdowns during COVID and they proved disastrous for the public’s mental health (not denying they were the right choice overall though).
I’m not in America, so I can’t ascertain the risk you’re exposed to when going outside right now. However, while I disagree that the current political atmosphere is not a reason for concern, I do think your family might be right that avoiding going outside all the time is unnecessary.
So, try going outside more often. A short walk at least once a day is a good start. Good luck.
Also in case you aren’t familiar, I recommend watching “7 Ways to Maximize Misery”.
Being depressed inside is the same as being depressed outside. Your feelings and emotions don’t change whether you’re inside vs outside. However, there is science that sunlight can help produce serotonin. Which might temporarily improve your mood. But it will not “fix” the root cause of your depression
Anecdotally, my mental situation is notably better when I can get out and exercise or just be active outside. It doesn’t make the world’s problems go away but it does do some chemical stuff in the brain that helps. Sometimes just a change of location can help break that negative feedback loop too which helps improve things.
A common “self soothing” technique (depression, anger, negative feelings) is to take a short walk outside.
A new environment / context can make it much easier to get out of a negative thought loop or spiral.
My gut instinct is that your mother may be wanting something else but doesn’t know how to put it into words. Not to say that she right, but I can definitely relate to that emotion.
Speaking as a person who is close to someone who is depressed, there is a sort of mental drain and negativity-by-diffusion associated with being near someone who is depressed, and it’s really difficult to put into words. I can know full well that depression is a clinical illness and that the other person can’t help it, but I will still get frustrated over their inability to match my energy.
If your depression and anxiety are as limiting as you say they are, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist and get some medicine for that. Speaking from my own observations, you can definitely fight depression, but only to a small extent. Severe depression and anxiety are debilitating to the point where you will need medicine just to get close to what a regular person might feel
First, your mom is being toxic af and you are not a coward. However, she is not wrong that going outside can help with depression. It likely won’t “cure” you as it sounds like you are in a difficult situation, but it can be helpful to take short walks every day.
That being said, the ICE shit is scary af. I’m not American but I worry every single day for my family members living there. We are Mexican and the fear, IMO, is warranted, because they don’t even seem to care about legal status. I’ve been avoiding visiting for this same reason, and will not go down there until I feel it is safe to do so.
From my understanding though, they are not everywhere as much as social media makes them seem. My uncle and cousin down there (Chicago and San Diego) go about their regular days and even travel between the US and Mexico frequently and tell me they still feel safe doing so.
Even if you don’t go outside, I would highly, HIGHLY recommend disconnecting from social media for a while or limiting your intake. The difference I feel mentally when my usage goes from like 2-4 hrs down to ~30 mins or less is huge. Find another hobby like crafting or even video games if you don’t feel safe doing stuff outside yet.
Lastly, also, I said this to you a few days ago and will say it again, YOU MATTER. You are not a coward & being afraid of this insane fucking world is a reasonable response. I hope you can escape your parents house soon. You got this!
You’re being perfectly reasonable. Your parents are they type to vote for trump and then regret it when ICE arrests them, which they assumed wouldn’t happen for some reason
Dude, I feel you there. Also, your parents seem to rather keep up appearances than to help their son. That’s toxic.
You shouldn’t have to fight this shit on your own. I hope you’re able to find like-minded people online that have a personal understanding of what you’re going through and are good examples heading in the right direction.
Oh, and it is a scary time to be outside nowadays. You’re more aware of what’s going on, it seems, than your folks.
I’m on OP’s side here. Anyone who’s lived with depression knows it doesn’t “go away”. Looking out for your survival isn’t cowardice, it’s pragmatism.
Your mom is being shitty. I also have a parent who would randomly threaten to cut me off, and it was the last thing I needed to hear when struggling with life-threatening depression for the first time. A decent parent would show love and compassion, or at least not make it worse for you. Understand and remember that she is in the wrong here, not you. Mental health issues are not personal failures, any more than other health issues are.
You’ve posted before about your mom making horrible threats against you. It would be worth asking - how many of her threats has she actually acted on in the past? I don’t know her and I don’t mean to downplay the seriousness of your plight, but my own abusive parent was (is!) all bark and very little bite. The abuse was still harmful, but mostly in an emotional sense. I was never actually cut off or deprived in any significant sense, as my abuser still clung to the idea of loving me and being a faithful parent. Maybe yours is similar, and you don’t actually need to take the fear of being cut off so seriously. Maybe if you could do that, you’d feel better?
Your fear of ICE is legitimate and not pathetic. There really is no limit to their indiscriminate cruelty. But it would be good to assess the risk carefully. For example, statistically, the likelihood of a kid dying in a school shooting is pretty low; you’re far more likely to die of something common like a car accident. So while parents are terrified of a shooting, they still send their kids to school, because the benefits of their child being educated outweigh the risk.
When I was severely depressed, one of the few things that helped a lot was just stepping out of my usual surroundings and watching the world for a bit. It helped me remember that the world is so much bigger than me and the worries that consume me; that there’s enough beauty out there to drown my depression. That there’s always hope, out there in the unknown, though I often can’t see it. It’s a difficult feeling to convey in words, but you’ll know it when you experience it. Stepping out of the house, even for a few minutes, could possibly have game-changing benefits. It definitely saved my life more than once, as silly as that might sound.
Now, the risk. In the case of ICE, the exact risk is unclear as their actions are somewhat random and unpredictable; but there are things you can do to estimate it. You might be able to find out whether ICE agents were spotted in your area (social media, and I think there was even an app for that? Try asking around here). Moreover, there are plenty of people trying to keep vulnerable populations safe from ICE. They know better than anyone else, from firsthand experience, what factors affect the risk; and they’re doing their best to share that information. Try your best to find it. (I wish I was saving that kind of information so I could share it here, but I’ve really not been on top of my game lately.) Then make an informed decision, and hold yourself to it.
Whatever you decide, you’ll feel better about your decision knowing that it was one that you made yourself, not one that was forced on you by fear.
Finally, I just wanted you to know that as someone who experienced something similar, I feel very strongly for you. I got very emotional several times while typing this, and I really wish I could give you a hug and tell you how much I appreciate you for making it this far; I know it can’t have been easy. While my own problems (which are not limited to my parents!) are far from over, I was lucky enough to live away from them for a while, and I think the distance has allowed a lot of wounds to heal. Sometimes things work out in ways you’d never expect. So don’t lose heart! I’m rooting for you.
how many of her threats has she actually acted on in the past?
Never actually done anything. Still terrifying to hear from a parent. I still remember that time when I was no even 8 year old yet, when my brother practically chased me out of the house. It was the most alone I’ve ever felt in my entire life, nobody to help me. My (former) country was dysfunctional at the time and I don’t think a “CPS” even existed. Those memories have been stuck on my mind recently. Being alone for those few hours were the scariest moments of my life, I haven’t even existed for that long yet, and my world was already in chaos. Even just those words, even empty threats are fucking terrifying. I try to sleep, I’m halfway asleep, for about like idk 10 minutes, then the dread comes in, sleep paralysis, with the fears of that day + all the shitty events that happened in my life all just coming back as if a huge bear just pounced on me. I couldn’t move (again, sleep paralysis), my heartrate goes through the roof, once I fully wake up from the sleep paralysis, I feel as if I just ran away from a fucking bear attack or something.
The first time I was restrained wasn’t actually the time when I got falsely accused of instigating a fight at school, it was way earlier. My older brother had a fight with me when I was probably somewhere around 5-8 and he fucking used those plastic zipties and ties me up. It was a long time ago, but those memories never went away, the memories are here with me after all these years, a whole decade and a half later. Law enforcement is so fucking terrifying. I hate being trapped in a place and unable to move.
Every time I watch people having a normal relationship with family, I just cry in happiness for the family, even if its in fictional media, and I just delve more into my memories and try to imagine an alternate timeline. Tears are always in my eyes, but sometimes the emotion part of my brain is so drained its hard to even properly cry.
I wonder if thing like lead or other food poisonings have turned my family into the way they are. Food regulations were very lax where I was from. Even baby formulas have fakes, nobody trusted baby formulas, they even had to smuggle in foreign baby formula. It wouldn’t be surprising if its just chemicals fucking up society so much.
She says that if I can’t even have the courage to “go outside often and be a ‘normal’ human being”, I wouldn’t be able to handle/manage the assets/investments they have. (Small bussiness, won’t go into detail about it)
Your mother is a giant fucking asshole. Neither of those things have anything to do with one another. Nerds have created whole businesses online while barely seeing the light of day and have become millionaires and billionaires from it while barely seeing the light of day.
Secondly, if she really think their “small business” is going to survive the purposeful collapse the wealthy are going to put us through, she’s not just an asshole, she’s also a certified fucking moron.
They probably voted trump for low taxes and are gonne be in for a rude awakening
What the heck is this? A person who thinks their small business will survive the economic climate ahead is a moron?
It’s not like the economy isn’t purposefully being wrecked by the current government administration or that they’re not trying to purge as many workers as possible to pump up unemployment and reduce the number of people who can patronize a small business and it’s not as if the government isn’t picking winners and losers and it’s not as if the tariffs don’t impact small business more than big business and so on and so forth.
But sure, believing stupid shit like you can fight and survive in a rigged economy where competitors a hundred times your size want to crush you economically and legally totally makes sense and isn’t moronic at all. /s
This post references this is [USA] in the title and even when it comes to Wall Street the entire economy is hinging on a small number of massive businesses with absurd valuations at the moment.
I think it depends on where you live and what going outside means. It’s not good out there right now for minorities, but it’s worse in some locations. If you live in Portland or Chicago, then yea, for sure keep your head down. It all comes down to your risk tolerance. Not every single minority is being rounded up and deported. There are hundreds to thousands of minorities that have been abducted out of the millions that live in the US. Statistically speaking, you will probably be just fine, but there is a chance things get bad.
As a white man, my opinion does not carry much water since I obviously do not have the same problems and I know that I come from a privileged position. So take this with a grain of salt, but if you’re not in one of the hot spots, I think you need to get out and try to live your life, but keep your head on a swivel. Idk that leaving the country and trying to get back in is the best choice, but there are probably 10s of thousands of people like you that travel abroad every day.
Your mother is approaching this poorly and callously, but there is some level of truth to it. If the plan is for you to run the family business some day, then you do have to be able to take the necessary risks, like going out, to be able to do that effectively. That said, I go through bouts of depression and it is crippling, so I have empathy with your situation. It’s easy for someone not depressed to tell you to just be happy and live like normal, but that’s not reality.
With everything you’ve said, it sounds like you first and foremost need to seek help for your depression. That could be therapy, anti depressants, or a combination. Personally, I am in a much better place when I can get out and be active and exercise. So your choices come down to staying inside, do nothing, and live in your negative feedback loop, going out to seek professional help for your mental health, or going out, being mindful of your surroundings and taking on extra risk that may help you mentally. That could mean going out and walking the block in your neighborhood, or find a secluded nature trail somewhere where ICE won’t be patrolling.
All in, it’s not a black and white situation and you need to decide if you’re in a better place hiding out or if it would be better for you to do something else.
Those headlines aren’t reality, it’s hyperreality, outside is a whole different world from what the images you are being bombarded with. You only have one life to live, may as well experience it while you can.
Are you in the country illegally? No? Then why would ICE being around bother you?
If you are in the country illegally, then maybe you should consider……not being?
ICE has already detained and assaulted over 170 citizens, let alone all the people in the US who are there legally. You’re a fool if you still believe the US gov’t is only going after “the bad ones and the criminals”. This is systematic escalation and normalization of detainment. I mean, even Joe fucking Rogan sees it for what it is, and that’s really saying something.
This has to be trolling. Or perhaps uninformed? There are a lot of people being detained based on profiling. Yes ones who are citizens and many straight up born here.
That said, I do think OP can get out some. But being cautious is not a bad idea in this environment.
ICE are beating up people with their papers on them
It takes ICE 2 minutes to determine your legal status. They don’t just walk around the streets finding random people to deport lol
just tell your parents to fuck off and stop all communication
get a job move out or try to leech from them more
if you try to talk to them or please them it will only get worse, they are bored they are playing with you
of course if they really need your help help them and move on fast
dont get kid while you are in any way dependent on them they will make your life helldeleted by creator
