I’m so tired of it all that I am having trouble even caring anymore, and I’m simply disheartened by every corner of the globe and with every type of people. If the few states like China who have the capacity to challenge it are so self-centered and worried about their own lineage that they allow vast populations of people to become either subjugated or eradicated without even attempting to step in, then I have no hope that our species will survive when analyzing the rest of it. It’s clear that nobody with means is really willing to do anything serious about it and at this point I feel like we’re all just watching the final consumption of the world by capitalism and people really don’t care.
Frankly I don’t think any of us will make it. Only the people the furthest under the boot really have the will, yet since they have zero means, nothing can change. People don’t really care about defeating capitalism or white supremacy, and most refuse to overlook cultural differences to collectivize strongly enough to make an impact. Further, the environment will wipe us out long before capitalism is dismantled anyway, so for all intents and purposes, it seems like it’s already over. The curse of short human lifespans means that most don’t care since they feel the inevitability of it all given the time they have, and by the time the average person even becomes conscious enough of their condition to feel the hunger for change, their biological limitations make it feel pointless. Since most see this life as the only chance they have, why throw it away on making ripples into an ocean? May as well let someone else do that and enjoy what tiny corner you’ve carved while you can, and let it burn.
This is the most difficult realization / feeling I’ve ever had, far more than any structural or systemic elucidation in my political and ideological growth. Maybe it’s just that I’m a pessimist and feel miserable today and about what’s happening to Venezuela and Cuba and Palestine and Congo and Sudan and etc. etc. But I can’t shake the feeling that this is all pointless and going nowhere. Trying to stay positive seems sisyphean. The human condition and psychological barriers seem too strong and too embedded, and I fear that no awakening is enough to really push us over the edge of real change or challenge. And the environmental catastrophe is inevitable, since capitalism spurs it.
I just can’t see a way forward and I don’t know what that makes me anymore. Maybe nothing.
firstly i just want to say that i don’t want to invalidate your feelings in any way, because they are a real and meaningful phenomenon. i think it takes courage to share something like this in a forum where people may disagree with you. i reiterate what other commenters said about processing your feelings: doing things like taking a break, going on a walk, spending time with loved ones or things, and working within your community are all potential ways to process those emotions and allow them to pass peacefully.
my main concern is with your thoughts and ideological framework that led you to feel this way in the first place. we all have to be constantly vigilant in combating liberalism, first and foremost in our own minds and thought processes. i think we all make errors in this regard, because of our upbringing and various sets of material conditions. personally i tend to make errors more as it relates to my ideology of the self more than my ideology of society. but in any case, since it’s always easier to point out errors others have made rather than your own, i want to point out a few of your errors in hopes of it improving your feelings in the future. in effect, i want to give you reason to be optimistic, rather than just telling you to feel that way.
i think a central idea in marxism is understanding that relations of exploitation contain within themselves the seeds of their own destruction, or change. within the bourgeoisie/proletariat contradiction, the proletariat is in fact given many means with which to effect change. it is forced to become disciplined in order to work for the bourgeoisie, but that disciplined work can be turned against the exploitative relation itself. the proletariat is implicitly organized by means of its organization in relation to the means of production itself, giving it form. and, it has the labor expertise to both effect change and build socialism. it would require further elaboration to explain why, but this is true for all forms of exploitative relations. this is why, for example, acts of strength by exploiters often indicate an underlying weakness, such as the recent acts against venezuela.
this is another way in which capitalism sows the seeds of its own destruction: globalization + overproduction leads to decreasing material conditions for the exploited, giving them more reason (remember, they already have the means) to change society. and even in the worst case, in which capitalism creates a natural world and ecology that is significantly less habitable for human life, it is still destroying itself: because socialism is fundamentally more efficient and effective than capitalism, there would be a point at which socialism is the only viable way to sustain human life. socialism is the best means to wade through the rushing waters of catastrophe, and build something in its aftermath.
wherever there is failure, there is the potential and means for success. whenever night dominates, it’s only a matter of time until sunrise occurs. communism (and socialism) will win because it is more stable, more efficient, more conscious, and more correct. that global socialism is the only viable path forward for humanity indicates that it is only a matter of time until it becomes reality. hope you feel better, comrade.
I appreciate your response. In my depression and miserable pessimism I know that you’re right on a theoretical level, in that the means of capitalist destruction are sown within itself, yet it’s not easy to experience that comfort when you watch swaths of people get swept away in it’s slow dissolution as a byproduct. Yet that is the way it is.
I take breaks from time to time, though I admit that I always end up feeling guilty about it. As if all other comrades are carrying my weight, my solidarity, on their shoulders. It makes me feel like a liberal in a sense, as if I’m pretending these things aren’t happening, and if when my very eyes aren’t viewing the atrocities that happen in my own world and aren’t actively recognizing them, it’s as if I’m suppressing the awareness of their plight.
That probably is a far too intricate and self-important of a position, but it’s how I’ve always felt about it, because I’ve thought that if we don’t all feel this way, then solidarity only weakens. Maybe some become numb to it, but then that just makes one try to use empathy and solidarity strategically–as if to balance one’s level of pain in order to appropriately use it and not become numb to it all. But that feels morally abusive on some level, yet it seems like something that emerges after a point.
I do feel better just writing it out, though.
glad you feel better writing it out! i feel like journaling is definitely a useful and viable method of emotional processing, it’s something that i use from time to time
i think the challenge there is to simultaneously accept that a) your ability to take a break is derived from a place of privilege, but also that b) your need to take a break is in a sense derived from that same privilege: you would be more resolved, disciplined, and “numbed” without that privilege. for those of us in the global north it’s a matter of gaining those skills that are necessary for revolutionary movement, that those without privilege are forced to gain because of their lack thereof. but, sometimes it’s too much all at once and we need to take breaks; i don’t think there’s any shame in reacting honestly to your needs. in the same way that china must look out for itself first and foremost, we must individually look out for ourselves and our health so that we can organize and build socialism.
i think it also helps me to try and see the forest for the trees in situations like this. liberalism encourages us to see one setback as necessarily indicating the certainty of future setbacks, or to approach things one-dimensionally. but in real-life developments and transitions there are always small-scale oscillations, zig-zags, and the like. and, the more setbacks that occur, the more likely progress is to be made for a variety of reasons.
in any case, not to invalidate your feelings but i don’t think you need to feel guilt or shame for addressing your needs, whatever they are and however you see fit to address them. in my personal experience guilt due to privilege is a dangerous feeling because you can then feel guilty for having the privilege to feel guilty in the first place, leading to a negative spiral downwards that results in inaction and other negative consequences. to me that’s more indicative of liberalism than taking a break to address your needs is.