As people have pointed out, I constantly crave attention and validation on a “pathological level”. People have said I’m a covert narcissist, most likely, and I constantly feel like I NEED to post to get my feelings out and have the attention on me, then I delete it when I don’t get that validation. I constantly have to explain to others why I’m right rather than take accountability because I start to spiral and hate myself if I don’t. However, someone said I don’t have it because I don’t bully others when I don’t get what I want.
I also feel like I may be too self-aware for it, though I don’t generally like or care enough to look inside myself and have to think hard about it just to reach a conclusion about who I am.
The DSM-5 has 9 criteria, and if you meet any 5 of the 9, you have NPD. https://npdtest.org/blog/what-are-the-9-official-dsm-5-criteria-for-narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd The fact that you’re questioning whether you are a narcissist tends to point to you not being one. If the people around you are telling you that you crave attention on a pathological level, it may well be gaslighting or projection from the people around you, as narcissists love to deflect and find fault with others.