I don’t know how to put this succinctly, but I read recently about someone feeling like they’re an outsider looking into the world of “normal” people. I feel a bit of the opposite, like I’m a “normal” person just realizing how shit it is to be part of the problems in our world right now-I’d much rather be an outsider to all of it so I couldn’t accept responsibility. I’m just as much of a contributor to everything bad as any other peer in the world. It’s not like I can pinpoint one certain thing I do that makes me feel that way, but I realize how often I judge other people for thinking they’re the perpetrators in everything wrong with society, when I’m not doing anything that differently from the rest of them. It goes the opposite way in that no matter how helpful I think I’m being to contribute to some “greater good,” I still feel I’m doing the bare minimum, and feel culpable in my smallness and ability to enact long lasting in the way I’d like to see the world.
I’ve frequently said that i am incapable of thinking inside the box. it’s a reference to a common interview question about whether or not a candidate can think outside the box. i believe most people start off like this, outside the box looking in. by the time they reach adulthood (or earlier) and begin looking for work, oftentimes they have become boxed in, now looking out from the inside of their structured life and the system which creates the walls. the walls don’t really exist, they are metaphors for what society deems to be within the realm of what is normal and what is not. i have a developmental disorder effecting my short term memory and learn through repetition until something becomes a muscle memory moreso than through study and training like one would find in schools or when starting a new job.
i think a lot of people are more like me without realizing it, which creates a sort of contradiction in my argument here, as the majority decides what is and is not inside the box. it might be better to assume there is no box, that the greater good is part of the walls, that doing what feels right is more important than doing what the world claims is right. more simply, you do you. you can go with the flow until landing in a majestic ocean or you can throw a rock into the river from the bank and laugh at the watery explosion. in the long run, the river will be unaffected, it will find ways to continue flowing until the stream has dried up. it is what it is. if you want meaningful change, get a bunch of friends and divert the river with lots of rocks. alternatively find those whose thoughts align and build momentum into a tsunami. maybe just float on, hoping things will continue going the right way, maybe the path is set regardless. your choices in life might mean nothing. they might mean everything. you don’t even have to make a choice, just you do you, as best as you can or want to.
to answer your question slightly more specifically, i’m probably a problem for current society. i use electricity, although i try to limit it. i create garbage, but try to minimize it. i don’t work but not for lack of trying, i simply lack the qualifications and abilities to do anything useful for a paycheck in my area. so i spend my time doing things on my computer of little consequence and alternate that with walking around my neighborhood, picking up trash. i also bite the hand that feeds me, by protesting the actions of my government while at the same time being reliant on the programs and benefits it provides. i hope i can help enact the changes needed for society as i see it, to become more like a society i’d like to be in, by going downtown and holding a sign stating that the president should be hung for treason and his main lackey should be deported, hoping that enough people see it and agree with the statement, to the extent and reach that takes the box i’m outside of and inverts it, so that i can be inside the box for once. much like a cat in a box, there is no change or purpose when i’m inside or outside, other than perhaps minor comfort, the illusion of safety and (because it’s a cat) a sense of superiority. is that helpful? probably not. i’m doing me. you do you. if you happen to be a straight woman between the ages of 32 and 52 and live in the US near the Miami Valley, maybe you could also do me. (that last line ruins this whole comment and i should omit it)
I completely relate to the idea of being an insider of said box and peering outward, though when I was a little younger than I am now, I felt like an outsider. I mainly wrote this post so generically because I was afraid to be more specific about what I meant, and I guess everyone commenting here took what I meant as the “problem” a little differently. I think it’s cool, and I realize I’m not alone.
I’m realizing that everything I’ve judged other people in the past for as an “outsider looking in” were things I did/do as well, like contributing to global warming by just existing, being an asshole in traffic, being picky about who I talk to in social situations bc I’m afraid of getting hurt, politically I haven’t protested as much as I should be and I’m letting things happen even though I don’t agree with what’s going on. I agree with the “you do you” element to an extent, in that I’m involved in a lot of volunteerism and ecological restoration, so I have things I’m working toward making better. But everyone “you do you-ing” doesn’t leave a lot of room for common understanding and shared morals, imo.
Being “part of the problem” is me feeling like I’m another asshole I guess, by judging others for things I do myself. I feel like narcissism is on the rise in the US, and it feels rapid, and I feel part of that problem. I would say I’m an optimistic person, but the self-importance of most people these days doesn’t do much good for anyone. I really just wish we could all kumbaya or whatever.
Also sadly, I’m not in your age range, nor straight, but I appreciate the bravery in putting it out there :)