Hi all I need a sanity check.
Diagnosed ADD as a kid, struggled to pay attention and care in school, was on concerta for a decade. Parents would up my dose if my grades went down and expected me to grow out of ADD once I turned 18.
That didn’t happen and my life fell apart and I vowed to never take medication again because I saw it as a conspiracy to sell pills and get people messed up in the head.
After 15 years of emotional dysregulation and crippling anxiety I spoke to a dr and tried an extended release amphetamine yesterday.
My whole world changed. No emotional noise, no background feeling of “I’m a bad person and I don’t know why”, social anxiety is gone (was able to respond to all my messages and even make a phone call AND talk to a cashier!!!). Was able to do tasks I left behind because the anxiety to start was too bad.
I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to now. My self confidence is up. I don’t dread things. I woke up calm. My mind used to be a firehose of thoughts and emotions all at max level. Now it’s calm and orderly and logical.
This seems too good to be true. I didn’t even know existence could be like this. Is this normal? Is it the honeymoon phase? Is it just because I’m taking an amphetamine? I’m beside myself and life feels like I’ve got all the cheat codes now. It seems too good to be true.
Echoing the life-changing experience everyone else has shared.
But what I don’t see mentioned (or I just missed it) is don’t squander this time! You need to use this clarity to start to build routines and structure in your life, because if/when the meds fade, be it because you need a holiday, or other medical conditions necessitate stopping, or your insurance stops covering your meds, or…, those routines are structures are going to be incredibly important.
Think of it this way: the meds are a high-end power tool that finally makes doing the work of living possible, but the scaffolding you build now is what keeps the structure standing when the power goes out. The medication gives you the capacity to act, but your systems are what ensure that action isn’t lost if you have to put the tool down.