Context: I’m 19 and completely inexperienced when it comes to dating. Two days ago, my friend, her boyfriend, and I were supposed to go see Backrooms together, but one of the boyfriend’s friends joined us last minute. This guy insisted on paying for my movie ticket, snacks, dinner afterward, and even 3 books when we stopped at a bookstore, and then he drove me home. After the movie, I mentioned that I wanted to see Obsession next because, in my mind, they’re kind of sister movies, and he said we should go see it together, which we did yesterday. He acted the exact same way then too. He’s also going fishing on Sunday, and I’m going with him. I’ve never had a guy act like this toward me before, so I honestly don’t know what to make of it. But I really love it, and I can’t stop thinking about him.
@imnotpainter@lemmy.world ^This is a solid and comprehensive reply, and I agree with all.
In regards to the last part, I think sexual intimacy can be okay at an earlier stage, as long as you ensure clear and honest communication beforehand about expectations and comfort zones. But as mentioned, considering the inexperience, caution is your friend. Do not rush; you have time.
Another advice is to be inquisitive: Ask him directly what his intentions are, and why he’s infatuated with you. Perhaps also ask your friend’s boyfriend about him, and have him tell his 5 cents both about this guy as a potential partner, but also as a person. It might come to light things like him being on the spectrum: Even seemingly socially adept people can be on the spectrum, and it only shows when they’re in unfamiliar/stressful situations. This could explain his behavior as someone who just don’t know how to show his affection, and (desperately) attempts actions he knows make people happy, like gifts.
I say this as someone who qualifies as a socially adept person on the spectrum, and I recognize this behavior.
Completely fair point. It’s definitely a lot more nuanced than I wrote.
In my eyes, I find that there’s a lot of pressure to have sex, and very little pressure to hold off. This is especially true for inexperienced people. People will tend to rationalize themselves into having sex, even when in hindsight they really weren’t ready. So to avoid having to consider edge cases and/or irrational thinking, I find that just setting a hard-and-fast rule where you just really should not have sex for x amount of time ends up being the simplest and most applicable advice