Context: I’m 19 and completely inexperienced when it comes to dating. Two days ago, my friend, her boyfriend, and I were supposed to go see Backrooms together, but one of the boyfriend’s friends joined us last minute. This guy insisted on paying for my movie ticket, snacks, dinner afterward, and even 3 books when we stopped at a bookstore, and then he drove me home. After the movie, I mentioned that I wanted to see Obsession next because, in my mind, they’re kind of sister movies, and he said we should go see it together, which we did yesterday. He acted the exact same way then too. He’s also going fishing on Sunday, and I’m going with him. I’ve never had a guy act like this toward me before, so I honestly don’t know what to make of it. But I really love it, and I can’t stop thinking about him.
I’m a 39 year old man. I’ve seen this a lot. According to my observations, here’s what you’re required to do:
- Take everything he buys for you for granted. Throw some of it in the trash unused in front of him.
- Refuse to fuck him.
- Make daily posts to social media you know he has about how you can’t find a good man.
- Get a restraining order.
- Have a very public relationship with someone who treats you a LOT worse. Have 45 of his children for every eye socket of yours he breaks.
Youth is wasted on the young THE BOY IS TRYING TO LIKE YOU, LIKE HIM BACK BEFORE HATE SATAN THROATFUCKS YOUR BRAIN AND YOU BECOME LIKE ME.
Sounds like you’re dating already.
if he is not wealthy then yeah he is into you.
Yes.
This beyond showing interest. You may be unaware but you are dating. You went on a movie date. You’re going on a fishing date on Sunday. That’s dating, we’ve just forgotten what that is as like a society.
Hard to be sure he’s interested without an app. /s
Gender swapped, but still appropriate for the topic:
Yes this is called showing interest.
Courtship, even
Lots of people taking about red flags and shit.
Just talk to him. Be honest with what you feel and ask what he’s thinking and where he sees your friendship/relationship/feeling going.
Don’t listen to people online who have no idea about your specific situation.
This
Honest Communication and having boundaries defined in your head. When you guys come up to one of your boundaries then have a conversation.
But remember, “No” is a complete sentence. No explanations are necessary.
Fellas, this proves we’re not the only dumb ones when it comes to noticing someone is into us.
Yea he’s into you. Either that or he’s trying to get into your pants really quickly. Up to you to figure that out, whether he just wants to fuck or if he wants an actual nice relationship.
Presuming they’re both ~19, I’m going with potentially <-> likely uh, all of the above, + completely terrified.
First loves are… pretty confusing.
And whether she actually likes him.
I can’t stop thinking about him.
Her thinking this is one thing but saying it is fully different. She’s into him too for sure.
I can’t stop thinking about my neighbour, but that’s because she’s the most obnoxious woman I’ve ever met.
yea ig context matters
Many in this thread seems to be assuming “she” but was that stated?
We don’t give a damn
Same way US-Americans don’t feel the need to specify that they’re talking about the USA on international sites (nationality being quite relevant to this kind of question), heterosexual people generally don’t feel the need the need to state that they’re talking about a heterosexual relationship. Bit of a different dynamic if OP is male or enby.
He’s nuts about you.
I am a former 19 year old man. Trust me.
Yeah, I don’t really understand all these people talking about how it’s unusual. When I was a teenager and I liked a girl, I’d do everything I could to impress her.
“Oh, you said in passing you like this candy? I’ll get you a whole box! Oh, you reminisced about having a furby? I scoured every thrift store in the area to find this one for you! You want to buy this thing? Let me do it! I can do it!”
It’s definitely way too much, to the point where it’s probably creepy, but that’s just how the teenage brain works. They understand enough to know how to show you care, but they don’t understand enough to know that too much of a good thing can be bad.
It’s not that it’s unusual, it’s just that similar behavior is also an abusive tactic called love bombing. Imo, I think the kid is just being a bit awkward, but that doesn’t mean this behavior isn’t a problem. Like you said, it’s (probably) just teenagers being teenagers, but I don’t see anything wrong with pointing out how this can be a problem.
Like most situations, the best thing OP and friend can do is have a candid conversation about how they’re feeling towards one another and figure out what they’re both looking to get out of a relationship. Having been 19 myself, I doubt that conversation will happen in a way that is “correct”, but at the very least she now knows that love bombing is a thing and that it’s important to think about your own safety, wants, and needs
When I was a teenager and I liked a girl, I’d do everything I could to impress her.
I can’t even count the number of bands I was suddenly “into” because the woman I was interested in at the time mentioned them in passing. 😂
Indeed he is trying to impress you, and spending his money may be a goofy way of telling you how he feels without the need to speak.
He may not know how to word things gracefully, keep in mind that it could be stressful for him as well.
Maybe at some point telling him that you can buy your own things, and that it is not the reason why you’re spending time with him, could lead to a more constructive discussion… If you’re not afraid to have it, that is
He likes you. Maybe wise to slow him down a bit and see how reacts on that. My 18 year old daughter had a thing with a boy who overwhelmed her with gifts and paying for everything. It made her feel a bit uncomfortable and when she told him he plaued the guilt card. She ended up dumping him.
Yes. But be aware of love bombing too. Good luck and enjoy the romance :)
A lot of good advice in this thread for some very thoughtful people. OP I want you to practice setting some boundaries with this guy even if you like him and continue seeing him.
Tell him no about things sometimes. Like “no, I can buy that myself”. Make sure he respects your wishes about minor things and has even, level-headed emotionally mature reactions to your boundaries.
I love it and i can’t stop thinking about him
That’s the point.
