Context: I’m 19 and completely inexperienced when it comes to dating. Two days ago, my friend, her boyfriend, and I were supposed to go see Backrooms together, but one of the boyfriend’s friends joined us last minute. This guy insisted on paying for my movie ticket, snacks, dinner afterward, and even 3 books when we stopped at a bookstore, and then he drove me home. After the movie, I mentioned that I wanted to see Obsession next because, in my mind, they’re kind of sister movies, and he said we should go see it together, which we did yesterday. He acted the exact same way then too. He’s also going fishing on Sunday, and I’m going with him. I’ve never had a guy act like this toward me before, so I honestly don’t know what to make of it. But I really love it, and I can’t stop thinking about him.
Jesuchristo, a year?
I would never advise that. It’s fine to enjoy sex. Some guys are more into chasing and just want a challenge, lose interest once you fuck - I don’t want a guy who likes chasing, I want a guy who likes sex with me. I don’t want the first time to be the best time either. That long buildup then a letdown is too big a risk to gamble a year on.
I’m old now but still would say a physical relationship is a shallower level than an emotional relationship, and having sex soon into any relationship has worked better to find a good match and, well, at least got me plenty of sex.
Not advising the OP here (She may not even want a physical relationship at all) - just responding to the idea that it’s better to wait. In my life I have never found it better to wait.
A year is way too long for me. I would at least give it a month, bare minimum.
I think there’s some misunderstanding here. They said “don’t immediately have sex” and “people don’t open up until around a year” as 2 separate statements. They weren’t necessarily saying to hold off on sex for a whole year.
I think, at the core, my argument is simply this: don’t rush into sex. Take your time to figure out if this is really what you want.
I believe everyone can agree to that statement. But my perspective is that quantifiable, actionable advice is more helpful than advice in which the recipient has to apply their own judgment (what’s the purpose of giving the advice then?), and so I have semi-arbitrarily chosen that 6 months to wait is a safe bet and 1 year is ideal.
And I acknowledge that waiting a year is unusually chaste - that’s why I consider it to be an ideal circumstance rather than a practicable target. Is waiting a year for sex unusually risk-averse? Yes, undeniably. But you also can’t deny that waiting that time would give you the best perspective on whether or not it’s a good idea to have sex with someone
OP said this: