Context: I’m 19 and completely inexperienced when it comes to dating. Two days ago, my friend, her boyfriend, and I were supposed to go see Backrooms together, but one of the boyfriend’s friends joined us last minute. This guy insisted on paying for my movie ticket, snacks, dinner afterward, and even 3 books when we stopped at a bookstore, and then he drove me home. After the movie, I mentioned that I wanted to see Obsession next because, in my mind, they’re kind of sister movies, and he said we should go see it together, which we did yesterday. He acted the exact same way then too. He’s also going fishing on Sunday, and I’m going with him. I’ve never had a guy act like this toward me before, so I honestly don’t know what to make of it. But I really love it, and I can’t stop thinking about him.
Very true, I acknowledge that safe sex can be had much earlier. But I don’t think my advice is as absurd as it sounds at first glance.
6 months seems long on paper but from what I’ve observed, it’s really not that long in context. By my estimate, that’s around the time when a casual relationship transitions into a more serious relationship. So really, all I’m saying is to make sure that you’re serious before you commit to taking the risk. I’m just drawing a semi-arbitrary line to delineate a casual and a serious relationship. I consider it to be more actionable to have a solid number, especially for someone who doesn’t yet know what a casual or a serious relationship looks like.
In context, I know an acquaintance whom I would describe as very free-spirited. She ended up waiting something like 4 months before her first sexual contact with her significant other, and that was without any advice. So 6 months is quite doable in my opinion.
There’s certainly nothing morally wrong with casual sex, I do not hold it against someone if they choose to have sex before 6 months. But practically speaking (and I would argue that an inexperienced person is in most need to hear practical advice), I still stand by my stance that it’s a good idea to err on the side of caution. It’s always more preferable to start having sex too late than to start having sex too early. And that’s especially true when you factor in that we are starting off this potential relationship with some concerning red flags
Here’s where we disagree. You’re viewing sex from a risk management perspective, whereas I’m viewing it as a healthy part of life
I think we’re actually on the same page then. I don’t think you’re wrong in any way, I just also don’t think these 2 perspectives are necessarily mutually exclusive