I’m a guy and this is me with my friends. Every time we hang out they have such boomer attitudes about their wives, one is even convinced that I’m gonna get divorced just because he did and views all marriages that way. It’s depressing, but there is one friend in the group who agrees with me that our wives are our best friends and soulmates.
My best friend was convinced that my ex wanted to get pregnant even though we’d been together for years and she had zero desire to have children. Nothing I said convinced him. I really don’t get it because it’s just not that uncommon anymore for people to not want kids.
I’ve had the opposite experience. A few year ago a bunch of the guys I hung out with in college got together at a Wurstfest (German festival every November in Bew Braunfels, Texas), and got super drunk. All the married guys were talking about how they just loved their wives so much.
I’d like to propose that it’s not an erotic angle, but a romantic one!
I know for many it’s probably the same thing, but to me there’s a clear difference between a close friend who you also have sex with and a romantic partner
I think that, at least for me, a friend with whom you have a romantic angle isn’t a partner (in the sense of a girlfriend or a boyfriend or yk). I do think that both (sexual and romantic) are needed, but again, that’s only for me; different people might have different concepts of what a relationship like that will or should be and that’s fine.
I work in IT. Every time more than a handful of IT folks get together the talk always turns towards how shitty their wives are/were before the divorce.
Or the wife is framed as someone who keeps them from buying tech stuff (“I’d like to upgrade my homelab, but the purchasing department keeps turning me down! Har har”).
I’m just sitting here with a lovely wife who trusts me to spend money on what we need to keep the tech stuff working.
I think the main problem with most relationships is the myth that “opposite poles get attracted to each other”. No, the more you have in common with someone else, the more succesful, peaceful and enjoyable the relationship will be. That’s not always the case, for sure, and there’s obviously exceptions to that rule nevertheless, but are in the end just that, exceptions, not the norm, and when you date someone that doesn’t at least share your core interests, views and principles, you could and definitely will get constant arguments and fights because of the constant and often serious and intense clashes of expectations and ways of seeing and living life.
I think the main problem with most relationships is the myth that “opposite poles get attracted to each other”
Imma go beyond this.
The problem with the intergenerational “wisdom” being transferred is that a lot of this shit lost why they were memes worth spreading in the first place. It’s not “opposites attract”, its “marriage and raising a family and creating a good home environment requires a diverse skillset, and being different people allows you to bring that diverse skillset so that you can be self sufficient in your family group and have a degree of personal autonomy due to being able to dedicate yourself to different social groups and activities, while returning to each other and appreciating the time you have together.”
It came out a little through the generational loss.
Yeah, and I’m good with that definition. But the problem is that most people are just interpretating it as if it were “I hatr parties and she loves parties, so we’ll be the perfect marriage with no doubt”, while that will cause so many problems because of these are two ways of socialization that are in the antipodes of each other.
I myself hate parties as I’m heavily introverted and, also, I’m autistic, so I don’t really get well in large groups or people (or even in small groups of people if I don’t know them), and I also just hate the ambience of a party.
Even with more small things it does apply. Like, I love anime, so I’d never date with someone who hates it.
And it obviously will be more important when it’s about trascendental things such as religion, political views or philosophical stances.
But most people just take it as “if you hate X, you have to date with someone that loves X” or “if you love Y, you have to date with someone who hates Y”; that’s not how it works.
True complementarity needs to be built upon a strongly shared core of expectations, values, thoughts, ideas, visions of the world and ways of living life, because otherwise there will be little or not intelligibility.
My parents vacation together 4 to 5 times a year (pensioners), all 4 of them are great friends. It’s so cute but a little bit wild, because during the last years of their marriage they really didn’t get along and I remember that time vividly.
But we also have a friend couple that did get divorced, and still hang out regularly on very good terms.
Some people are just better as friends than lovers and I think that’s awesome if they can figure that out before doing irreparable damage to said friendship.
I have a pretty significant ex, and it certainly took some introspection and painful internal work, but I eventually was able to hang out with them again and still really value their friendship; I even invited them to my wedding, and attended theirs in kind.
As I saw it, this person was my best friend for the majority of six years together, and I didn’t want to totally discard that part of myself that had that friendship, even if the romantic relationship didn’t ultimately work out.
I know it’s random, but can I just say I’m so happy that movie didn’t end with her falling in love with him again and leaving James Bond? He wasn’t even a bad guy! I’ve always respected that.
After a few beers I usually just try to hold back the question why they’re even together with their wife, if they’re so unhappy with her
I do get, that some people just need to vent, but I don’t have anything bad to say about my wife.
She loves this piece of shit, that I am. In my eyes she is an absolute saint
That’s kind of my take. My wife puts up with me, and even seems to enjoy being around me. That’s pretty unusual and I question her judgement. I’m certainly not complaining.
![Having a good partner [PizzaCake]](https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/3c29d75b-f0f5-4c4b-ad7a-5dd4bfeb0f06.webp){kind=link}
I’m a guy and this is me with my friends. Every time we hang out they have such boomer attitudes about their wives, one is even convinced that I’m gonna get divorced just because he did and views all marriages that way. It’s depressing, but there is one friend in the group who agrees with me that our wives are our best friends and soulmates.
My best friend was convinced that my ex wanted to get pregnant even though we’d been together for years and she had zero desire to have children. Nothing I said convinced him. I really don’t get it because it’s just not that uncommon anymore for people to not want kids.
I’ve had the opposite experience. A few year ago a bunch of the guys I hung out with in college got together at a Wurstfest (German festival every November in Bew Braunfels, Texas), and got super drunk. All the married guys were talking about how they just loved their wives so much.
It was super wholesome.
Oh man, I was expecting a town in Germany and nearly broke my brain trying to pronounce “Bew Braunfels” in German.
Then I read the “Texas”. 😅
It’s actually “New Braunfels”, but as a native Texan, just about everyone I know pronounces it “New Braunsvul”, for some reason.
I remember seeing here on Lemmy a while back that a good boyfriend/girlfriend is a best friend where there is also an erotic angle.
Or at least a cute one
ACE
Ventura, Cute Math Detective
Cutely fitting.
I was referencing Ace as in asexual.
Being “Ace Venture, Cute math Detective”… Fits
A Cute Engels?
You went too far. You’re in the deep end.
I’d like to propose that it’s not an erotic angle, but a romantic one!
I know for many it’s probably the same thing, but to me there’s a clear difference between a close friend who you also have sex with and a romantic partner
I think that, at least for me, a friend with whom you have a romantic angle isn’t a partner (in the sense of a girlfriend or a boyfriend or yk). I do think that both (sexual and romantic) are needed, but again, that’s only for me; different people might have different concepts of what a relationship like that will or should be and that’s fine.
As one of the ancient poets once said
I thought he was a no-talent ass-clown!
And more importantly, why should I have to change? he’s the one who sucks
I work in IT. Every time more than a handful of IT folks get together the talk always turns towards how shitty their wives are/were before the divorce.
Or the wife is framed as someone who keeps them from buying tech stuff (“I’d like to upgrade my homelab, but the purchasing department keeps turning me down! Har har”).
I’m just sitting here with a lovely wife who trusts me to spend money on what we need to keep the tech stuff working.
I think the main problem with most relationships is the myth that “opposite poles get attracted to each other”. No, the more you have in common with someone else, the more succesful, peaceful and enjoyable the relationship will be. That’s not always the case, for sure, and there’s obviously exceptions to that rule nevertheless, but are in the end just that, exceptions, not the norm, and when you date someone that doesn’t at least share your core interests, views and principles, you could and definitely will get constant arguments and fights because of the constant and often serious and intense clashes of expectations and ways of seeing and living life.
Imma go beyond this.
The problem with the intergenerational “wisdom” being transferred is that a lot of this shit lost why they were memes worth spreading in the first place. It’s not “opposites attract”, its “marriage and raising a family and creating a good home environment requires a diverse skillset, and being different people allows you to bring that diverse skillset so that you can be self sufficient in your family group and have a degree of personal autonomy due to being able to dedicate yourself to different social groups and activities, while returning to each other and appreciating the time you have together.”
It came out a little through the generational loss.
Yeah, and I’m good with that definition. But the problem is that most people are just interpretating it as if it were “I hatr parties and she loves parties, so we’ll be the perfect marriage with no doubt”, while that will cause so many problems because of these are two ways of socialization that are in the antipodes of each other. I myself hate parties as I’m heavily introverted and, also, I’m autistic, so I don’t really get well in large groups or people (or even in small groups of people if I don’t know them), and I also just hate the ambience of a party.
Even with more small things it does apply. Like, I love anime, so I’d never date with someone who hates it.
And it obviously will be more important when it’s about trascendental things such as religion, political views or philosophical stances.
But most people just take it as “if you hate X, you have to date with someone that loves X” or “if you love Y, you have to date with someone who hates Y”; that’s not how it works.
True complementarity needs to be built upon a strongly shared core of expectations, values, thoughts, ideas, visions of the world and ways of living life, because otherwise there will be little or not intelligibility.
Classic Divorced Guy
Wife and I joke about how we can never get divorced because it would be too awkward when we kept hanging out as friends.
But we also have a friend couple that did get divorced, and still hang out regularly on very good terms.
My parents vacation together 4 to 5 times a year (pensioners), all 4 of them are great friends. It’s so cute but a little bit wild, because during the last years of their marriage they really didn’t get along and I remember that time vividly.
Some people are just better as friends than lovers and I think that’s awesome if they can figure that out before doing irreparable damage to said friendship.
I have a pretty significant ex, and it certainly took some introspection and painful internal work, but I eventually was able to hang out with them again and still really value their friendship; I even invited them to my wedding, and attended theirs in kind.
As I saw it, this person was my best friend for the majority of six years together, and I didn’t want to totally discard that part of myself that had that friendship, even if the romantic relationship didn’t ultimately work out.
I’m no longer sure the romance part can even be real.
It’s just friends all the way down.
Mrs. Doubttfure taught me that same lesson!
I know it’s random, but can I just say I’m so happy that movie didn’t end with her falling in love with him again and leaving James Bond? He wasn’t even a bad guy! I’ve always respected that.
I dated a guy for 13 years, when we finally broke up we were still going to events together!
Same here
After a few beers I usually just try to hold back the question why they’re even together with their wife, if they’re so unhappy with her
I do get, that some people just need to vent, but I don’t have anything bad to say about my wife.
She loves this piece of shit, that I am. In my eyes she is an absolute saint
That’s kind of my take. My wife puts up with me, and even seems to enjoy being around me. That’s pretty unusual and I question her judgement. I’m certainly not complaining.
It’s people who rush into relationships because they feel like they need one, instead of taking time to find your actual best friend forever.