The virtue signalling here is exhausting and constant. It doesn’t matter what you post or where, 1/4 of the comments will be trying to convince you that you are horrible for whatever it is you posted about, and how the obvious moral thing would be to run off into the woods and eat berries. Everyone is boycotting everything. No nuance ever.
Example: You donated time at a homeless shelter and want to provide a link to others to help donate? The page takes paypal, don’t you understand how horrible that is, and you’re horrible for suggesting they pay in paypal!
I think it scares a lot of people away from Lemmy, and frankly from our political causes as well. People spend so much time making everyone else feel terrible for even moderately trying that they just give up, the other side is usually pretty willing to accept them in and say “no no, you aren’t horrible, look you’re a good person”. With Lemmy and Reddit they feel annoyed as hell here and not welcome, go back to Reddit where they get a warm hug in the thread. With politics they’ll all share in how the other side is crazy. It feels good to be included, and Lemmy is very exclusive.
For a bunch of nerds who claim to have been picked on a lot in high school, we sure do push people away quite a bit.
To turn the example around, a better way to rephrase the response would be “Hey very cool! Is there a way to pay without paypal?”
It’s a big shadow over my head for every time I want to post. Makes me always reread what I drafted. Then at the end if there’s a remote, chance it can bring in an argument, I just delete the draft and not post.
I used to do that too. Then I realised that people will find even the tiniest thing to argue with me about anyway. No amount of qualifiers, “I think”, mincing words, or careful phrasing will save you. If someone’s got a bone to pick, they’ll find one somehow.
But once you realise that, it’s nothing to do with what you wrote at all, it’s their fault not yours, they were going to be jerks regardless; it makes it less annoying. Fuck it, just hit post. Throw your unadulterated raw opinion out into the void. The people who appreciate it won’t tell you.
Then when the losers crawl out of the woodwork and inevitably strawman your comment beyond recognition and make you out to be stupid or evil; just ignore them. Not even a downvote interaction. BITR (block, ignore, tag, report), and move on with your life.
I usually stick to more low stress low “intellectual” posts to comment on. Like this post for example I usually wouldn’t comment because it has a higher chance of getting barbed comments. I definitely do not comment in political posts lol.
We need a lot more sane, non-extremist posters and commentors on the Threadiverse. Maybe try posting and blocking the assholes? The rest of us will appreciate it! :D
For a bunch of nerds who claim to have been picked on a lot in high school, we sure do push people away quite a bit.
You’d like to think the pain of being excluded would lead to people be more accepting, but it usually just pushes them to form their own groups so that they can exclude others too.
That’s been my experience. The other day we had a post that made fun of “sportsball” and very few seemed to get the irony of it. Sure I made that joke for a while when I was younger, then I realized that by doing it I was doing the same thing to those who like sports that they did to me in high school with video games.
It’s not some equalizing or justice, it’s lowering yourself to their level. What’s worse is that at least most of them did it in high school when that stuff mattered. It’s sad doing it now as adults when it takes nothing to just be accepting of everyone’s interests.
It’s a hard and unintuitive lesson to learn. I used to mock and deride things I disagree with or dislike, but I try to do that less now. I believe it’s better and more interesting to be open and accepting of new things, even if they seem silly or wrong.
It feels like an easy win to define yourself by what you’re “against”, but I think that’s just the tribalism part of my brain talking. It just closes you off to people and calcifies your worldview
That’s the mature take. Define yourself not by what you are against but what you are for, and be open and welcoming as people express what they enjoy as well.
Overall the discourse is very angry and agressive. I get that people are stressed, scared, angry and frustrated, but the number of times people go from 0-60 in 1 second over a political difference is wild. And I’m not talking about “full on Trump supporter” or “ICE is saving America” differences. Like saying “I hate that that Democrat said that he doean’t support trans women in sports but his opponent is literally a Nazi…” will get you dragged to hell. Hell, I’ve seen Canadians snapping at people in political threads, so I know everyone is well past their breaking point.
I don’t fuck with comments much on other sites/apps so IDK if this is a Lemme problem or an everyone everywhere problem.
I’m a bit out of the loop, what’s horrible about PayPal? I’ve been using them for banking for some years now and they’ve always been pretty great to me.
The virtue signalling here is exhausting and constant. It doesn’t matter what you post or where, 1/4 of the comments will be trying to convince you that you are horrible for whatever it is you posted about, and how the obvious moral thing would be to run off into the woods and eat berries. Everyone is boycotting everything. No nuance ever.
Example: You donated time at a homeless shelter and want to provide a link to others to help donate? The page takes paypal, don’t you understand how horrible that is, and you’re horrible for suggesting they pay in paypal!
I think it scares a lot of people away from Lemmy, and frankly from our political causes as well. People spend so much time making everyone else feel terrible for even moderately trying that they just give up, the other side is usually pretty willing to accept them in and say “no no, you aren’t horrible, look you’re a good person”. With Lemmy and Reddit they feel annoyed as hell here and not welcome, go back to Reddit where they get a warm hug in the thread. With politics they’ll all share in how the other side is crazy. It feels good to be included, and Lemmy is very exclusive.
For a bunch of nerds who claim to have been picked on a lot in high school, we sure do push people away quite a bit.
To turn the example around, a better way to rephrase the response would be “Hey very cool! Is there a way to pay without paypal?”
Very true.
It’s a big shadow over my head for every time I want to post. Makes me always reread what I drafted. Then at the end if there’s a remote, chance it can bring in an argument, I just delete the draft and not post.
I used to do that too. Then I realised that people will find even the tiniest thing to argue with me about anyway. No amount of qualifiers, “I think”, mincing words, or careful phrasing will save you. If someone’s got a bone to pick, they’ll find one somehow.
But once you realise that, it’s nothing to do with what you wrote at all, it’s their fault not yours, they were going to be jerks regardless; it makes it less annoying. Fuck it, just hit post. Throw your unadulterated raw opinion out into the void. The people who appreciate it won’t tell you.
Then when the losers crawl out of the woodwork and inevitably strawman your comment beyond recognition and make you out to be stupid or evil; just ignore them. Not even a downvote interaction. BITR (block, ignore, tag, report), and move on with your life.
I had that for a bit as well, now I mostly post to the communities where I know the mods will act if needed.
That’s a big shame.
I usually stick to more low stress low “intellectual” posts to comment on. Like this post for example I usually wouldn’t comment because it has a higher chance of getting barbed comments. I definitely do not comment in political posts lol.
We need a lot more sane, non-extremist posters and commentors on the Threadiverse. Maybe try posting and blocking the assholes? The rest of us will appreciate it! :D
You’d like to think the pain of being excluded would lead to people be more accepting, but it usually just pushes them to form their own groups so that they can exclude others too.
That’s been my experience. The other day we had a post that made fun of “sportsball” and very few seemed to get the irony of it. Sure I made that joke for a while when I was younger, then I realized that by doing it I was doing the same thing to those who like sports that they did to me in high school with video games.
It’s not some equalizing or justice, it’s lowering yourself to their level. What’s worse is that at least most of them did it in high school when that stuff mattered. It’s sad doing it now as adults when it takes nothing to just be accepting of everyone’s interests.
It’s a hard and unintuitive lesson to learn. I used to mock and deride things I disagree with or dislike, but I try to do that less now. I believe it’s better and more interesting to be open and accepting of new things, even if they seem silly or wrong.
It feels like an easy win to define yourself by what you’re “against”, but I think that’s just the tribalism part of my brain talking. It just closes you off to people and calcifies your worldview
That’s the mature take. Define yourself not by what you are against but what you are for, and be open and welcoming as people express what they enjoy as well.
I make sports ball jokes. I am also contemplating getting season tickets to my “home team”.
As D N’D Greg once put it, fantasy football is still fantasy.
It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.
Overall the discourse is very angry and agressive. I get that people are stressed, scared, angry and frustrated, but the number of times people go from 0-60 in 1 second over a political difference is wild. And I’m not talking about “full on Trump supporter” or “ICE is saving America” differences. Like saying “I hate that that Democrat said that he doean’t support trans women in sports but his opponent is literally a Nazi…” will get you dragged to hell. Hell, I’ve seen Canadians snapping at people in political threads, so I know everyone is well past their breaking point.
I don’t fuck with comments much on other sites/apps so IDK if this is a Lemme problem or an everyone everywhere problem.
I have the “oh so you hate waffles” meme saved for use around here.
Yes, so many people here are desperate to make sure you know how shiny their halos are.
I’m a bit out of the loop, what’s horrible about PayPal? I’ve been using them for banking for some years now and they’ve always been pretty great to me.
Big Tech is enforcing ID verification more and more aggressive, some people will take whichever non-compliant networks they will find.