I resigned a few months ago from my first post-graduation position as a lawyer in a major public institution where I had previously interned. When I arrived at the job, I started helping senior-lawyers as my main task. After an atypical re-shuffle, I —still the newest hire— was handed an entire senior-level portfolio while also being required to keep assisting every colleague in the unit. My deputy head then began sending me (and only me) on out-of-state trips without coverage, leaving my own files untouched. Workdays stretched past twelve hours as unfinished tasks from others were routinely left on my desk. When I flagged the overload, he blamed my competence; when I took certified medical leave, he publicly threatened to replace me. For all the above, I then began to take my time, if I was already the last to leave, I started to clear myself talking to my colleagues time to time, to go out and smoke a couple of times and arrive 10 or 15 minutes later than usual (also taking into account that the official entry time was at 8 and my boss could arrive until 10, then he made us arrive at 10 and, therefore, leave later), but always finishing my job; things that did not seem to my boss and he started complaining about them. Exit negotiations turned hostile, and I ultimately chose health and dignity over an unsustainable role.
Now, after a couple of months, I need the job back because of economic and personal problems. I would not be with the same boss, but in order to get the job back, I would have to talk to my former boss first, because she will be asked if my job was good while I worked with her and if she had any problems with me.
Any recommendations to talk to her?
practice dissociation?
People like that have surprisingly short memories.
If you want to apply back, talk to your former colleagues who have good things to say. List them as your references, or drop their names.
Don’t talk to your old boss. Don’t give her power over you again if your job will have nothing to do with her.
It sounds like you should look elsewhere for work. If exit negotiations were hostile, they’ll be concerned with you bringing hostility into the workplace. You’re a liability.
My former boss has previously had problems with other lawyers (both subordinates and those within her hierarchy). My colleagues and other bosses also know me and my work, and have good references about me.
I’m confused. So you do or don’t need her approval? Because you’re saying both things.
I talk to a boss of the boss of my former boss hahaha and he told me that he can help me and that it is possible indeed, but the comments of my former boss are crucial; if I don’t have negative comments about me from my former boss, he can -for sure- get me my job back. He knows that I deliver a great work, that’s why he will be willing to help me.
Last time my former boss and I talked, we said to each other that everything is in good terms, but I think it was more of a superficial thing than a real thing.
If that’s the case just handle the talk with your former boss professional and cordial.
Yeah: don’t do that. If Bridges have been burned, don’t try to cross them again. Move on.
Oh, so you’re a lawyer who needs the approval of another lawyer, but beyond that you’re welcome back with open arms?
Ok. I got this.
Just buy that one lawyer a ticket to Jurassic Park. Really hype up the T-Rex exhibit.
Problem solved.
Apparently a plaque of an apple with lots of gold can buy a pass
This is challenging but it could be one of those excellent opportunities for you to learn and grow as a person and a professional. As a lawyer, you probably already understand that personal relationships and references are essential to this line of work, especially if you plan to move up to senior or partner.
Moreover, you seem to have some animosity towards her ways of working. You’ll need to work past that. Perhaps she had reasons that she arrived late, like a child at home and lack of childcare. Maybe an agreement with her boss due to work/life. As a lawyer you likely understand already that you really don’t know someone and what they’re dealing with until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So here’s how I’d handle it:
- Prime the pump. Do you have client references that you could leverage? Could they start asking about you to your former boss?
- Do you have senior members that you worked for that would be willing to have a chat about you to her to check her sentiment?
- Crank the starter. Would you be willing to meet up with her professionally outside of work, coffee, drinks. To catchup, test the waters, play the game. During the meeting I wouldn’t outright talk to her about this new position, you want to make her feel comfortable with you again first. When you anticipate the timing is right, have a discussion about what her perceptions were, what went wrong and feedback on how you could improve. Listen, acknowledge, try not to push back on the little things, let ‘em slide. Certainly don’t be a pushover if it’s something that confronts your values or ethics. Actively seek her feedback here. You want her to recognize that, although you two had your challenges in the past, that you respect her as the senior professional that she is. Thank her for her time and offer to buy the coffee.
- Shift into drive. Once you’ve at least partially mended the relationship (it may take a few meetings, you decide) and know where she’s coming from, that’s when you can matter of factly ask what she would need to consider being a colleague again. See how she responds, that will give you your answer and her requirements. If she’s somewhat decent judge of character, she’ll have understood your motives by now and knows the game y’all are playing.
Personal anecdote, last year I had someone dead-ass quit on me with no notice. He was smart, qualified, decent worker, had military experience which I appreciate. He reached out via email a month ago and said he was struggling with PTSD at the time, was trying to hold on, and underwent some therapy over the last 6 months. He asked if I’d consider hiring him again. Like lawyers, it’s damn hard to get decently qualified people in my line of work and it takes years to ramp them up to processes and procedures. I wasn’t willing to hire him back, because I can’t trust someone that flat out quits like that on me. But you know what I did? I sent him a list of contacts of people I know at sister agencies and said I’d be a reference for him if he wants to get back in the line of work. I think most people in this world generally do want others to be successful, we don’t like to see people suffer. I also think we as individuals get in our own heads a lot more than what serves us. So take the opportunity, see where it takes you. You miss all the shots…etc etc.
I’ve returned back to an old job but I had left on good terms, and in fact my old boss ended up wanting to keep me around as a freelancer… eventually when my newer job wound down and I needed something more permanent it just kind of made sense to go back to the old job where the boss there still wanted me around anyway.
So when it is on good terms it’s easy. In your case it doesn’t sound like you left on great terms, and it is quite possible your former boss is going to give a bad recommendation on having the company allow you to come back. Personally I might consider that a burned bridge at this point, but hey anything can happen so all you can do is give it a go. My suggestion is to talk to your former boss and just accept blame for whatever they want to throw at you, and hope they at least give a neutral recommendation on you coming back to the company. In the end you’ll have a different boss anyway so coming in it’s a new start for you.
OP you have to talk to your old manager because of the firm’s procedures or are you doing it to try to smooth things over?
If it is because of the firm’s rules, then keep the conversation focused on the facts of the new position.
If you are doing it to smooth things over, don’t bother. It sounds to me like the relationship was too toxic. I suspect that your old boss’ behavior is well known in the firm so your hiring manager may not put any stock in your old boss’ opinions.
Because of the institution’s rules. I entered to the job by recommendation and I know a few people that trust my job in that institution. I know a boss of the boss of my former boss hahaha (who works in the main headquarter of the institution) and he told me that I need “the go-ahead” from my former boss so that he can help me get my job back. I need to say that this person is someone that I knew from when I was an intern so our relationship is only about work. He will help me because he trust my job, knows that I deliver a good work.
Ok so keep the conversation to the facts of new position.
Just reach out to them and ask if there is a role still available for you. Generally if you leave on good terms they will be happy to have you back.
Exit negotiations turned hostile,
