As people have pointed out, I constantly crave attention and validation on a “pathological level”. People have said I’m a covert narcissist, most likely, and I constantly feel like I NEED to post to get my feelings out and have the attention on me, then I delete it when I don’t get that validation. I constantly have to explain to others why I’m right rather than take accountability because I start to spiral and hate myself if I don’t. However, someone said I don’t have it because I don’t bully others when I don’t get what I want.
I also feel like I may be too self-aware for it, though I don’t generally like or care enough to look inside myself and have to think hard about it just to reach a conclusion about who I am.
You sound a lot like an angsty teen with undiagnosed autism. I went through similar scenarios when I was a teen. A few things to consider
If you’re actually right, you shouldn’t really need to explain yourself. The truth should be evident.
If you’re explaining why you’re right to someone, what do you gain by convincing them? And does that justify the effort to convince them? You may be denying them that same gain by not conceding they are right.
Emotions can alter the landscape and motives might not be pure. If you’ve continually berated someone and harangued them about how you’re right, they might just argue with you to deny you that validation.
Angsty 22-year-old with diagnosed autism but yeah…
Which is perfectly fine. Looking through your post history you seem to have a lot of posts just trying to make sense of life. That’s a good thing as long as you don’t expect answers to be very neat and logical solutions to your problems.
Personality issues are also on a spectrum, and most people slide a degree or few back and forth from their baseline. That said, if you think you want to more know about personality disorders, look at spectrum a, b, c. But I really feel that’s kind of jumping the gun/half the story. You can save yourself plenty of time and flailing if you first look at attachment theory and explore your attachment style before placing yourself on the spectrum. That said, I’m not a licensed clinical counselor, and neither are you, so if it’s been a pervasive pattern, you may want to seek behavioral health assistance and decide if pharmaceutical support is right for your personal circumstances.
Thank you!! I am definitely anxious attachment
Oh girl! Do yourself a favor and get busy on loving you the way you want to be loved, and it may take a while journaling and/or some talk therapy, if possible. And don’t lean too far in for your first handful of diagnoses (or be upset or too skeptical). A therapist in the US must assign a dx within a couple or few visits, so it’s a working dx. The less substances you use for 30/60/90 so they can get a baseline of behavior/thoughts/feelings without those influnces, the better.
PS: you’re welcome, good luck!