So I’m a self-employed general contractor. I got a job to redo the plumbing system in a customer’s house and asked my dad to help me with it since it was a two-man job and he’s been a plumber for 40+ years.
This morning the customer called to say that last night a loose fitting came off and completely flooded their utility room. They were able to shut off the water immediately and sweep/wet-vac the floors, and it looks like there was no permanent damage other than to my pride.
The thing is, the joint that failed was done by my dad. My customer doesn’t know - I took full blame - but I feel like I don’t want to tell my dad either, and here’s the problem. I’m very big on honesty and I feel like I should tell him, or at the very least that I’d want to know if I was in his shoes. I just don’t know what it achieves other than making him feel bad about it too. I don’t want this to be the first thing that pops into his head the next time I ask for his help. I’d wish to keep this a good memory.
I’m torn here. I know my intentions are good, but I’m not sure whether I’m actually protecting his feelings or my own.
It’s about what dad can gain from being told. Covering up a mistake like this is condescending and any confidence that lets him keep is false. Part of being up to the job is a realistic idea of your capabilities and the ability to receive feedback. If dad’s still a peer and a real part of the team, he needs (and gets) to know. Hiding accidents like this to maintain a more comfortable reality is how you handle a patient during end of life care, not someone who’s still living and working in the world we share.
Conversely… at some point our capabilities dwindle, no one gets to participate in our shared reality forever. If your father’s at a point where you need to shelter and protect him there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s quite a heavy responsibility to assume and not necessarily going to be easy or fun for either of you. Very similar commitment to raising a child, but keeps getting harder until they die instead of easier as they grow. It’s heavy stuff and no one here can answer this for you op. The way you frame this makes you seem like an intelligent and caring person, you’ve got this. Good luck out there.