Ah misandrist memes, just what I needed to cheer myself up.
Next I’ll stop by instagram to see misogynist memes to get my full course.
When my daughter was born, my wife and I would take turns caring for her through the night. She pumped breast milk so I had access to food as needed on my nights, and she could breastfeed directly on her nights.
It soon became clear that our daughter preferred direct breastfeeding to the bottle, but I was much better at calming her and getting her back to sleep. The result was that I ended up covering my wife’s nights more frequently because she was otherwise at home with the baby all day while I was at work and felt like she needed the break. I was also “used” to sleep deprivation from the past years when I was working full-time while also going to college full-time, and she would stay home and watch TV, read, or paint.
I was constantly exhausted for the first 6 months, until she was mostly able to sleep through most nights. I would regularly apologize to my coworkers for my reduced cognitive ability because I didn’t get any sleep the previous night or two, and my boss would express how he didn’t understand how I was still vertical. Thankfully they were all very understanding and accommodating, and I was at least still able to get most of my work done to our standard of quality, albeit much more slowly than usual.
I didn’t have time, opportunity, or energy to even consider the prospect of intimacy at that time, so I absolutely sympathize with new mothers with absentee partners that have normal levels of energy and libido.
This is why both parents should get parental leave. I just took care of all the nights and slept through half the day while my partner handled those hours. Neither of us had to deal with sleep deprivation.
The number one way (more effective than medication) to increase a woman’s libido is an extra hour of sleep. It’s truly no wonder that getting negative hours of sleep for a literal year at least kills libido.
I’m pregnant and the insomnia is killing me. 4 or 5 hours a night, usually. And the poor sleep will only continue when the child is born. Everyone’s talking about how men need to help more with chores and all that’s true and good that you need division of labor, but even if you’re good at division, the sleep loss with children is inevitable.
Y’all get 5 hrs of sleep a night every night??
Crazy
This is some boomer shit
Specifically American boomer, and something that’s still going on. There was a thread here on lemmy a while ago that was about how american culture is very different from much of the world in terms of how much the father does in the things mentioned here. That a lot of the world have had it kinda even for many decades and some places even centuries.
Its not. That is what people tell themselves to feel better.
The meme isn’t judging all men, people. It’s calling out a specific behavior and attitude. Not sure why people are so upset. Unless you actually do this, of course.
Bullshit. This is stupid, generalising and damaging in just the same way as memes about how women get married and stop having sex.
Those stupid sexist memes are also not about all women.
The fun part is when you are involved and it still happens
Well atp, it’s just genetics and hormones, which isn’t really her fault either lol
Long as it’s still the man’s fault for desiring intimacy, am I right or am I right ladies?
The assumption that it’s always a neglectful husband causing marital issues is incredibly demoralizing, especially when the response to “but what if it isn’t a neglectful husband” is this sort of thing. Just more reasons why the man is the one being unreasonable.
Look, no man is “owed” their wife’s affections or physical intimacy. But it is often an important piece of an adult romantic relationship, and it’s not unreasonable for a member of that relationship to have some feelings about things changing over time, or suddenly for that matter.
Holy fuck, this thread is a circle jerk of “God, I know her vagina was stitched shut and she cant get enough calories but, damn it, I wanna fuck after she rocks the kid to sleep.”
It isn’t her fucking feelings you divorce demanding loser.
That is a complete and total strawman. No one has said anything about such clearly unreasonable shit like wanting sex immediately after a newborn, or while the woman is recovering/post-partum/etc.
How is anyone supposed to have a calm and respectful conversation about this stuff when the moment you even brush up against it slightly, the “men are all horrible awful pigs and it’s all their fault” brigade comes out in full force?
I’m sorry so very many people have encountered so many god awful men as they have. I am, as best as I can, doing what I can to not be one of them.
And there are still intimacy issues in my relationship. Am I not allowed to talk about this because so many men have been awful that it’s just verboten? Fuck everything about that.
I don’t think some of you incels are actually married.
I have multiple friends that nearly died, were hospitalized, etc. My wife went anemic and suffered a number of other ailments. Hell, not even carrying but the act of breastfeeding requires a metric fuckton of calories.
I will never know what women go through because I’m not one of them.
You seem proud to carry the baton of permanently knowing even less.
Have a pleasant morning.
Oh my God you seem like the kind of person that needs grok to explain posts to you because you’re so utterly incapable of basic reading comprehension
I don’t think you know me at all, and you need to stop attacking shadows.
Is that enough evidence for you? My hand with my wedding ring, a few of my daughter’s toes at the top, and an old school style hand written timestamped note.
My two year old daughter has been having awful allergies since last night, when I slept on the floor in her room so I could comfort her when she kept waking up coughing throughout the night despite having doctor approved antihistamines, some “all natural”/home remedy cough syrup, and an albuterol rescue inhaler. I used the snot sucker, warm water to help cut the mucus, kept her propped up to help with breathing and mucus drainage. My wife got a full night of rest. No baby monitor, no interruptions.
This morning I’m also solo for around four and a half hours while my wife goes and does a weekly thing that helps keep her real passion (that she can’t do for a living unfortunately) alive.
I’m not looking for an award for doing the husband and father thing. I’m not expecting anything from her for this, and I’m not expecting anything from the internet or the comment section at large. I don’t need fucking “good boy points”.
What I need is for chucklefucks like you to just fucking stop. Stop telling every man with issues in their relationship that it is always without a doubt their fault. That they clearly don’t understand. That they’re having unreasonable expectations. That there is absolutely 0% chance they’re anything but wrong. Just take a step back and leave room for not even bare minimum understanding or sympathy, but just keeping your damn mouth shut if all you have is throwing shade.
Long as we’re throwing the “I’m actually a better more understanding husband than you and you don’t understand childbirth” shit around, let me slap my metaphorical cock on the table.
My wife hemorrhaged two thirds of the blood in her body during childbirth. The first moments of holding my child were struck through with concern that I was losing my wife. The nurses had the god damn crash cart ready.
Your insight into the birthing process is not unique.
I’ll say it again. This entire subthread has been born from the condition “what if the man wasn’t a shitpile”, and 90% of the responses have been bunch of people incapable of accepting that as a possibility, building strawmen, and then don quixote-ing themselves into a sense of moral superiority. Just fucking stop.
One guy to another, your hands look soft. What type of lotion do you use?
Well I don’t know if that’s worse: you being an incel or not. Minimally you sound emotionally abusive if your biggest concern about your postpartum wife is not her well-being and is more geared towards whether or not she’s serving up that delicious pussy.
My wife hemorrhaged two thirds of the blood in her body during childbirth. The first moments of holding my child were struck through with concern that I was losing my wife. The nurses had the god damn crash cart ready.
Never mind. If you’re admitting that you’re one of the worst human beings imaginable, kudos to you.
And I’ll go straight home and fuck my wife thank you. Despite your beautiful handwriting and eloquence, I have better things to do and would rather please her.
Note the last couple of words.
Stop telling every man with issues in their relationship that it is always without a doubt their fault. That they clearly don’t understand. That they’re having unreasonable expectations.
Holy shit, I just connected the dots here.
You don’t get enough sex cuz your wife is healing, and you’re essentially unloading the baggage on her?
Honestly I have zero knowledge of whether or not your wife is a problem in a relationship. I can tell just by listening to you that you are a sizable problem in your own relationship and have no idea.
The truth is that in the 50 years I’ve walked this God forsaken planet I’ve never once sat back to think about the injustice is committed against me as a man, or the perceptions against me. Frankly they don’t materialize in my daily life because I’m not a piece of shit. I don’t ever sit down and worry about whether or not people think I’m an ideal man or not.
Get a strange that you’re so awful and simultaneously so sensitive about it.
I always wonder what kind of point one wishes to make and what kind of responds they expect.
with this post?
it’s rage bait. they want to get engagement by playing into grievance stereotypes. and people are happy to respond with either their bias confirmation or their counter-argument.
it’s trolling, essentially.
I dont think that is true tbh dads nowadays take care of babies as much as moms even after doing job and everything
If you’re ‘doing a job and everything’ then there’s an entire workday’s difference to begin with…
Are you implying that the workday doesn’t count for anything? Someone’s gotta bring home the bacon.
When I was in the office, I’d be there for 8 hours, then get home and take over, then also work at night with the baby monitor on. My ex-wife only really had to take care of the baby that 8 hours a day, I handled most of the other 16. Of course she complained that I wasn’t doing anything. So after that I started working from home for my main job as well. After that she only really had to take care of the kids (one mine, one not) for the 3-4 hours a day that I got to sleep.
No. I’m saying that the working partner has a significant gap purely because they are working, so it’s pretty spurious to claim you"re “caring equally”.
Personally I actually cared significantly more on top of being the one who had to work a full-time job and side gigs, but my ex is a unique kind of piece of shit and I’m not trying to insinuate that this is a common experience.
But your original comment sounded like something my ex would say when she still allowed me to go to the office. “Oh you get to take a break for 8 hours.” No I don’t, that’s still work, it’s still very taxing mentally. If you work for 8 hours and then come home to take care of the children for the rest of the evening so your partner can have a break, there’s only one person actually getting a real break. Of course if you come home and drop yourself onto the couch and expect dinner to happen, then it changes who the person getting a break is, but IMO that’s not as common among young families these days, compared to a few decades ago.
You’re srill ascribing your ex a bit here i think. I know what employment is like, i’ve been treadmilling the rat race for nearly 40 years. Why do you feel the need to explain how mentally taxing it can be to another grown adult?
I never said work was a break, or intimated as such - simply stated that a work shift would remove the working partner from childcare for the period of the work day.
I dont think that is true tbh dads nowadays take care of babies as much as moms even after doing job and everything
If you’re ‘doing a job and everything’ then there’s an entire workday’s difference to begin with…
In the context of this thread, you’re very clearly saying that the mom is always doing more because the workday is a vacation for the dad.
If that’s not what you meant, maybe rephrase your comment, because that’s what it reads like and judging by the 10 downvotes (none of which was me), I’m not the only one seeing it that way.
Because ultimately the meme was about moms not getting a break, and if the dad works all day and then goes and takes over the responsibilities at home for the rest of the day, then the mom is the only one ACTUALLY getting a break on any given weekday. And that’s what most, though not all, young fathers seem to be doing these days. Maybe not in your corner of the world or when you were young, but as far as I can see, that’s how it is these days.
Again, you’re adding the definition of “vacation” to the work day.
I never did that. That’s something you’re inventing when I point out a work days hole in childcare.
(Also i’ve personally been using gender neutral language. Op referred to working dads, but my points extend to any variant of the dynamic across any partnerships where one works ad the other doesn’t)
Downvotes on a thread like this mean nothing, btw - they’re absolute nip to the redpilled trolls.
An issue with post-interstate USA is the ability to move away from family for education and work, also fragmented the extended family. Managing life, everything and a under-6 month old infant takes way more than two people. (Day care in many areas will accept an infant at 6 weeks, which while huge, is also problematic.)
I expect the only solution is get rich and help your kids with the grand kids. (UBI!)
None of this is an excuse to fuck off and not help. It is pathetic when men say “and I never changed a diaper”. Hardly a parent at all at that point.
This is a severely under-discussed consequence of modern culture distancing family “connections”.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s only about 4 people on my side of the extended family I actually miss, and 3 on my wife’s side. That’s being generous. But not having that reliable help if you don’t have an absolutely amazing social group makes raising a kid through early childhood an absolute slog.
We don’t have kids but between the 2 of us we have 1 parent that could get here the same day if needed. 2 who we could see if willing to spend a fortune on the train to very remote areas and a full days travel. 1 who we don’t know what country they are in or even if they are still alive.
So any extra childcare would be entirely reliant on 1 person. We could move to change that to a different person but that hardly helps, there is no location that would be close to any 2 of our parents.
My brother-in-law is like that. Has the kids on the weekends (yup) and refers to it as “babysitting”… his own children. I know he must see all that I do for mine. It makes me nauseous, but I try not to get involved.
