I avoid many such problems by using a calendar with loud, obnoxious, early reminders, but last month, I had a lot going on. A medical appointment was on the 16th at 15:00, and my head just couldn’t process that.

The reminder came, and I looked, but could only see the “16” from the date, which was bigger than the appointment time. Didn’t even question it, just thought: “Stupid phone, remind me an hour early, not two! Stop making noises!”

Well, I missed it.

My ex wife got into pretty serious psychiatric problems over time, and I still think that she would have a completely different life and past now if she had managed to keep up her weekly appointment at a great clinic with psychologists and psychiatrists, which she was lucky to get at the very start, 6 years before it went really downhill. Another missed appointment for a physical thing got her into the ER and intensive care overnight.

Same if I had been diagnosed back then and could have managed such things for her.

I used to catch myself doing this a lot. Something will happen and I’ll tell myself, literally make the decision, “I’m going to be mad about this all day.”

I’ll purposefully be frustrated in everything I do and be mad at myself for it.

Until something happens that actually requires my full, un-frustrated attention, and if it takes long enough I’ll “forget” that I was “supposed” to be mad?

Sometimes I’ll even try to get mad again.

Once I recognized the behavior it was easier to stop it, but I do still catch myself sometimes reminding myself that “you’re mad right now, stop laughing 😠”

I get this for sure… getting annoyed at not being annoyed enough. Two questions I workshopped with my then therapist for similar situations:

1. What do I want/hope/expect staying in this mood/feeling to accomplish?
2. If this is something worthwhile (helpful, not harmful), how can I accomplish it without clinging to the feeling?

Like for example missing an appointment, I expect being annoyed at myself or in a bad mood to punish me into re-booking the appointment or not miss it the next time. I can accomplish this without the punishment-part by re-booking it Right Now (including sending an email or leaving a voice mail asking them to get back to me if they’re unavailable), and mark the next appointment time in my calendar+alarm system for 7 minutes earlier before I need to leave so I have time to find my keys, pee, and go back in for my phone.

Bonus question:

3. This mood of mine, who is it affecting aside from myself? Is it worth punishing the people around me at the same time, for my mistake?

How does being grumpy about something help? It’s just an emotional state, not a solution.