Context: I’m 19 and completely inexperienced when it comes to dating. Two days ago, my friend, her boyfriend, and I were supposed to go see Backrooms together, but one of the boyfriend’s friends joined us last minute. This guy insisted on paying for my movie ticket, snacks, dinner afterward, and even 3 books when we stopped at a bookstore, and then he drove me home. After the movie, I mentioned that I wanted to see Obsession next because, in my mind, they’re kind of sister movies, and he said we should go see it together, which we did yesterday. He acted the exact same way then too. He’s also going fishing on Sunday, and I’m going with him. I’ve never had a guy act like this toward me before, so I honestly don’t know what to make of it. But I really love it, and I can’t stop thinking about him.
Major red flag then - if he’s not even spending money on you he earned himself, then he’s just seeing if he can buy affection. He sees this as a transactional situation, and he will get nasty the moment he feels he won’t get the returns on his “investment”.
Btw. as others have pointed out, I also agree that it is already a red flag even if it’s his own money (paying for time/activities spent together on a first date gets a pass from me, but paying for things you buy for yourself does not). And the comment about the transactional nature also applies there.
Way to tell if someone cares about you: they ask meaningful questions about you, your life, your thoughts, your personality. Red flags: they focus on doing things that you pay for, and they mostly talk about themselves or job/money.
I mean that’s possible… But no, it’s not certain at all.
My girlfriend has rich parents, she’s the type to do this kind of stuff, and we’ve been together for 5 years. She’s also a communist and a class traitor. She sees generosity as fairness: if her family has a lot and her friends have little, she’s got more of a responsibility to provide for all of us than we do. Also, she’s never worked a paying job in her life and has no clue about the actual value of money. She’s willing to give away money because it’s just not that valuable to her.