Title. I miss my dad, this sucks.
It really is hard mate and I’m glad you’re reaching out. When I need my dad I go to !dadforaminute@lemmy.world and get a pep talk advice or any kind of dad moment. Loads of lemmy dads post there
The best advice might come off dickish since the question is about how to deal with parents death. Do everything you can while they are alive answer their calls listen to their advice and just listen dont argue. Take them on vacations with you take them out to diner often. Learn what they like to eat and cook for them, have an open door policy with them. Invite them often and make them a priority. So when the borrowed time is up you will have no regrets. Hug them like its the last time whenever you see them and most importantly be patient with them as it will come a day when you will not be able to do any of the above and you will trade it all for one more call from them!
I haven’t yet but:
- if it’s my dad, I would rejoice with a good beer
- if it’s my mom, I would grief for a few weeks I guess
My Mum passed in April. TBH it was mostly relief that I felt, not the expected happiness, and then after the initial shock lots of emotions of all sorts poured out of me that I hadn’t expected.
I think I’ve processed it now, but these things don’t always go how you expect them to.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s so hard! Lost my mom in 2023 and I miss her everyday. I was a mess for the first few months - worse than i realized. My thoughts of her are now mostly happy memories and things i want to tell her. I talk to her a lot and i talk to her pets about her.
There’s no one right away to grieve. Be gentle on yourself.
Extremely poorly but I keep going because I hate the alternative!
My mother died 11 months ago. Brain cancer.
I just kept going. If I had to go to work, I did. If I had to take a minute or 20 to collect myself at a random moment, I took it.Before her diagnosis in December of 2024, we were planing on her visiting, and us going to see White Sands a couple hours away from my place. I took the trip last April, just me and a little urn. That was a good trip. A few days mostly alone in a quiet place.
It worried my father, my going by myself. But I reminded him, even as a kid I always wanted solitude when I was upset, this wasn’t any different.
But that’s me. You should trust yourself.
GreveGrieve how you feel is right for you.Greve how you feel is right for you.
This typo is extremely on brand, follow for more Greve with Steve tips.
In all seriousness, that sounds lovely. You’re a good dude for writing this and trying to help out
I lost my mom to cancer when I was 21. She was the only parent I had. She was 47.
To say it messed me up is a world class understatement. And on top of that crushing loss, I had a woman break my heart about 4 months after she died. I was drunk for about 7 years.
But honestly what turned it around for me was, of course, time and surprisingly starting a family of my own.
I’m not recommending alcoholism or having children as a recourse to losing a parent. What I’m saying is time, and living your life, will help.
It sucks, and the pain is horrendous, but hang in there. This too shall pass.
I did not cope well.
Here is my hard earned advice: Go by thier grave as much as you need to. Sit and talk as long as you want. Cry as much as you want/ can.
That is a space where you are allowed to grieve. this is a space where you are allowed to be sad. Tell them your recent achievements. Tell them your frustrations.
Pray for advice. Tell them to poke the Devine, fate, or entropy to favor your way. sit at the grave and look at the sky. Diacuss anything.
What ever it takes. drive for hours on end. turn on a video game that you don’t have to think about. Clean if you must.
Eat at least 1 meal. drink water at least. Make thier recipes mix thier favorite drinks.
Smell thier clothes. Hug thier clothes. Store them. And or be rid of them.
What ever it takes.
Hang in there.
Mom and dad are separated, physically and matrimonially, for a decade or two now. Separately, they’re each on their slope.
I have NO hope of coping with their loss. I’m mom’s PoA, so we’re somewhat ready, but I’m not ready.
The fact that billions of people have gone through this in the last 30 years, that doesn’t help one little bit. I’m scared as hell.
Grief comes in many forms and comes to everyone in different ways. The important thing is to not keep the emotions away, but to feel them. Grief is our way of accepting and, as to your question, dealing with loss. The bigger the loss, the keener the grief. There is no timetable, there is no plan. Grief works in mysterious ways and will take its time. Often that time is the rest of our lives - but it does eventually settle if you let it do its job. Take your time. Let yourself grieve.
I have not lost a parent yet, but I have lost many a dear person over the course of my life. I’ve had to grieve people who are still, for now, here with us, because I know they won’t be for long. Not long enough. Never long enough.
I find great solace in the thought that grief signifies that what we lost was precious to us. Loss is painful, because what we lost we loved deeply. I’ll add a tried and true quote about grief from Alfred Tennyson’s In Memoriam:
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
I’m sorry for your loss.
First of all take the time to grieve. It’s a big loss and an empty space. It’s OK to be sad even at what people say are the wrong times. It is your loss and your sadness.
Carry your fathers memory with you. That doesn’t mean you have to be sad, but it is ok if you are, no matter how long it has been.
I would recommend when you really miss him, either do something that you know would make him proud of you, or an activity that you may have done together or wanted to do together and then when you’re done, enjoy the memory of his smile knowing he would have had fun doing that with you or he would have enjoyed the fact that he raised you to be able to do whatever it is you accomplished.
No matter what, just remember in the end this is your loss. Process it howyou need to.
So sorry for your loss.
I get that. My dad passed away when I was 19. I’m in my 50s now, and I still miss him. Not as much as I used to, but there will be a great song come on that reminds of him, or how he’d be impressed with my kid. And just every now and then I think about how he’d totally love all the technology we have these days. Man, this thread hit me in the feels.
I’m just saying that it gets easier over time, but it’s always there. YMMV
Came to say exactly this. Lost my dad at 18 and I’m 37 now, you just learn to live with it. Time makes it easier because it distances you and gives you lots of other experiences without them, but even decades later you might catch yourself thinking about them.
I always remember a quote by (GNU) Terry Pratchett:
No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away
And you yourself are a ripple, your father is alive within you, remember him and carry him with you.
I ain’t over it and that’s ok.
still very hard to see pics. a few have snuck in here and there and it’s fucking jolting.
a few dreams were not good at first then I had one that wasn’t bad and I felt a little better.
time heals a little. it’s not supposed to feel good but it does serve as a life marker of …hey that will happen to us too.
live!
Might be good to sit down with some of those heavy pictures, friend. Give it some thought
I’m sorry, friend. Take the time to sit with it. Remember the good times. Tell him how you feel.
My dad died last year. I still miss him but it gets better with time. Being around other family helps if that is possible for you. If not maybe try doing something in their memory. Take up a hobby they were into or something
Mine was last year too, but it’s been finally hitting me very hard due to everything else that’s going on.
Mine too. He was on a decline for a while, so I began the grieving process before he passed away. His one year deathiversay hit a lot harder than I expected. A friend of mine said he gets hit every year, and has learned to expect it
I let the feelings pass through me. Sometimes I use the Litany of Fear if it’s really bad, just to remind myself that the acute pain is temporary. I used to share pictures of my jobs with him, and we’d talk about work and different things we had done to finish difficult jobs. I miss him the most when I take a picture of something I’ve done that looks great. It’s the little stab of remembering he’s not here
My faith helps a little, but it doesn’t dull the pain of missing him. Even though I think I’ll see him again, I can’t see him now. If you have a faith in seeing your dad again, hold onto it, and know that missing him is normal and okay. If you don’t have that hope, cherish the memories you have. As long as his name is spoken, he isn’t fully gone
