Haha well not so bad but some years ago I had a funny one.
Met an american girl (24) on tinder who was here for university. Chat went well for about a week and then we made plans to meet up. She is new to the city and asks me to “pick her up” at her place so we can take public trans together.
The first thing I notice when I see her is she has crazy bulging eyes. Like in a movie!
I’m a chill guy so I’m not going to let that stop me and I take her to cafe I like. We sit down, I order a beer and she orders a cola and some starters. The she tells me she has never tired beer or any alcohol and asks if she can try my beer. I say ok and she takes a sip and makes a crazy face and spits it out onto the floor and makes a huge fuss about how gross is it and how can anyone drink that.
I didn’t know what do say so I played it cool and changed the subject to movies. We had a nice chat and nice meal and split the bill nicely. I saw her back to her place and dropped her off. She gave me a firm handshake goodbye and I figured that was the end of that.
3 weeks later I hanging out with friends and one of the guys says “hey are you dating a girl named Sarah Jones (name changed)? She’s in my class and she’s mad at you!” It took me a min to realize who he even meant. Sarah has telling him “we had a good thing going” and she doesn’t understand why she hasn’t heard from me and is waiting for me.
Then the next time I went to the cafe where I took Sarah they told me she had been back every night for a week after our date looking for me even though she never contacted me! WTF Sarah?!
Nah. Definitely not. Standard hard lesson you gotta learn when dating is that if the person doesn’t want to talk to you after the first date, that’s it. Move on.
I had a date many years ago with a friend of a friend who I didn’t like at all after about 30 mins into the date. I paid for the meal, we chatted by our cars, and both left. I thought it was mutually a “nah”. Boyyyyyyy was I wrong.
I guess to some people, you are the only date they’re going on this decade, and it matters a lot.
But those people are too out of touch. It was one date. No sex, no kiss, no spark. An hour or two at most. Move on. I shouldn’t have to put somebody down after THAT much body language and lack of anything else. The message is communicated. I shouldn’t have to look them in the eyes and literally tell them I’m not interested.
Like, if it’s vague or middle of the road, fine. If it’s a second date or later, fine. If we decide to hook up anyway, then yeah that needs to be clarified. But not after one short date with nothing but awkward silence and no chemistry.
Like, remember what you’re there for: to meet somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. If there isn’t a spark, there isn’t a spark. And if you’re there to hook up, then obviously this doesn’t need to be said.
Just because you had that hard lesson doesn’t mean you have to inflict that hard lesson on other people.
It’s not hard to send some variation of a no second date message. Even just a copy pasted polite template is better than nothing. If you don’t want to deal with their response, just block after hitting send and move on.
Thank you for the date, but I’m not feeling the chemistry for another meeting. I appreciate you taking the time, best of luck out there!
I mean, you aren’t wrong. I generally try to unless it’s really obvious. Like if I think the person and i are on the same page. I’m not out here to hurt anybody. But that’s also why I think it’s important to learn that lesson so you don’t get hurt. Like, teach your kids to have a reasonable self confidence so they aren’t fucking so self centered that they’re overly sensitive. Dont expect the world to bend to you, specifically, and have a modicum of some self emotional reliance.
You’re right there is nothing wrong with a clear polite “it was nice to meet you but sorry I didn’t feel it. Take care”
I also think nor everyone can communicate well. Some people come right out and say things, some people don’t take offence at everything and can discuss things, and some people avoid hard conversations.
Some people like myself would prefer implicit distancing than trying to put words on it. It may hurt to receive such message even though it’s respectful and nice
The hand shake is a pretty good sign that no more is to follow. Give em a hug, even an awkward one is more engaging than a business hand shake.
I had the hand shake after a 3-4 hour first date. I went in for a quick nice to meet you hug and she back off. Gave me the hand shake. I gave her a puzzled look. She took a minute, some back and forth i can’t remember and said she wasn’t into me. That was perfect. Clear to the point. Why would we want to waste our time.
I know girls have to think of exit strategies because situations with guys can go sideways. That was just the first time it had happened to me.
Haha well not so bad but some years ago I had a funny one.
Met an american girl (24) on tinder who was here for university. Chat went well for about a week and then we made plans to meet up. She is new to the city and asks me to “pick her up” at her place so we can take public trans together.
The first thing I notice when I see her is she has crazy bulging eyes. Like in a movie!
I’m a chill guy so I’m not going to let that stop me and I take her to cafe I like. We sit down, I order a beer and she orders a cola and some starters. The she tells me she has never tired beer or any alcohol and asks if she can try my beer. I say ok and she takes a sip and makes a crazy face and spits it out onto the floor and makes a huge fuss about how gross is it and how can anyone drink that.
I didn’t know what do say so I played it cool and changed the subject to movies. We had a nice chat and nice meal and split the bill nicely. I saw her back to her place and dropped her off. She gave me a firm handshake goodbye and I figured that was the end of that.
3 weeks later I hanging out with friends and one of the guys says “hey are you dating a girl named Sarah Jones (name changed)? She’s in my class and she’s mad at you!” It took me a min to realize who he even meant. Sarah has telling him “we had a good thing going” and she doesn’t understand why she hasn’t heard from me and is waiting for me.
Then the next time I went to the cafe where I took Sarah they told me she had been back every night for a week after our date looking for me even though she never contacted me! WTF Sarah?!
Really bizarre behaviour on their part, but you did kind of ghost them lol
Only if she was writing after the date, if they both never wrote each other there is no ghosting involved.
To me it still leaves things ambiguous. Especially obvious in cases like this where one party thinks the date went completely fine
It is not the job of the man to have to do all communication if the woman doesn’t want to do her part.
He doesn’t have to think of all possibilities the woman might be encountering and then ask about them just because she is unable to ask one question.
Nah. Definitely not. Standard hard lesson you gotta learn when dating is that if the person doesn’t want to talk to you after the first date, that’s it. Move on.
I had a date many years ago with a friend of a friend who I didn’t like at all after about 30 mins into the date. I paid for the meal, we chatted by our cars, and both left. I thought it was mutually a “nah”. Boyyyyyyy was I wrong.
I guess to some people, you are the only date they’re going on this decade, and it matters a lot.
But those people are too out of touch. It was one date. No sex, no kiss, no spark. An hour or two at most. Move on. I shouldn’t have to put somebody down after THAT much body language and lack of anything else. The message is communicated. I shouldn’t have to look them in the eyes and literally tell them I’m not interested.
Like, if it’s vague or middle of the road, fine. If it’s a second date or later, fine. If we decide to hook up anyway, then yeah that needs to be clarified. But not after one short date with nothing but awkward silence and no chemistry.
Like, remember what you’re there for: to meet somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with. If there isn’t a spark, there isn’t a spark. And if you’re there to hook up, then obviously this doesn’t need to be said.
Just because you had that hard lesson doesn’t mean you have to inflict that hard lesson on other people.
It’s not hard to send some variation of a no second date message. Even just a copy pasted polite template is better than nothing. If you don’t want to deal with their response, just block after hitting send and move on.
I mean, you aren’t wrong. I generally try to unless it’s really obvious. Like if I think the person and i are on the same page. I’m not out here to hurt anybody. But that’s also why I think it’s important to learn that lesson so you don’t get hurt. Like, teach your kids to have a reasonable self confidence so they aren’t fucking so self centered that they’re overly sensitive. Dont expect the world to bend to you, specifically, and have a modicum of some self emotional reliance.
Both can be right at the same time.
This is one reason I very clearly said something like “I’d like to see you again” to people.
You’re right there is nothing wrong with a clear polite “it was nice to meet you but sorry I didn’t feel it. Take care”
I also think nor everyone can communicate well. Some people come right out and say things, some people don’t take offence at everything and can discuss things, and some people avoid hard conversations.
Some people like myself would prefer implicit distancing than trying to put words on it. It may hurt to receive such message even though it’s respectful and nice
I tend to be dumb as a brick, and even when I’m not, I’d rather have a polite “no thanks” than wondering what if.
The hand shake is a pretty good sign that no more is to follow. Give em a hug, even an awkward one is more engaging than a business hand shake.
I had the hand shake after a 3-4 hour first date. I went in for a quick nice to meet you hug and she back off. Gave me the hand shake. I gave her a puzzled look. She took a minute, some back and forth i can’t remember and said she wasn’t into me. That was perfect. Clear to the point. Why would we want to waste our time.
I know girls have to think of exit strategies because situations with guys can go sideways. That was just the first time it had happened to me.