Preface, nothing against those that do.
Its increasingly difficult to ever do fun things with my current friends. Now that I’m to the point where I have the space and the money and time to do pretty much anything I want, no one else has any time to hang out. I get ignored a lot, which I get, they care about their family more. But I’m the type of person who likes to host stuff and do things.
Not a huge deal to me, I’m fine being alone, but its like, man, its really fun hanging out and playing some IRL video games or just cruising or walking around outdoors etc. I guess nobody really has time as they get old though. Or maybe I need to find a younger crowd 😆 I have no idea.
SLPT: Sow the seeds of divorce. Then you get every other weekend to hang out with your friends kid-free. Bonus points if you manage to stay friends with both sides, you get 50% of your friends available every weekend!
Mwahhaha
In my core friend group, there’s one couple that started a routine “third Saturday” dinner party. They’d host consistently basically every month, kind of open house. If you can make it, great. If not, see you next month! It did wonders for keeping the group together in spite of kids, job changes, life disruptions, etc.
Maybe something similar would work in your case?
Yes, this works well!
I did this with my mates at the pub once a month. An hour or two over a quiet beer, no pressure, just a casual catch-up if you could make it. Couldn’t get everyone each month but across the year we had seen everyone much more than normal
I thought it was absolute genius when they first explained it when I started hanging out with them. It started with an RPG I was playing, one of the guys in that group said “Hey, a buddy might like to join us…” and that buddy was one of the people who hosted the monthly party. That was … oof, like 20 years ago.
Dammit, now I feel old.
Yeah, that is a good idea!
(fyi I am not sponsored, I’ve just used these and liked them)
I’m in a similar boat, but I’ve had good luck with just finding clubs and going through meetup. Even if you only go once or twice it’s still something new to do.
Volunteering is always a good option too, gets you out and meeting people and you get to help your community. The parks and food banks especially always need volunteers.
And the last one I’ll recommend is an app called Timeleft. It’s paid ($20 a month) but you get to basically pick from the events they have and either go for dinner or coffee and meet with 6 random others on the app. I like it because there no pressure, it’s not a dating app or anything, and you get to just hang with some open minded people for a few hours and chat. Everyone is identified so there’s safety with it, and after each event you get to give out (and receive) little impressions like “Who felt the most welcoming”, “who was good at leading conversation”, “who was a good listener” etc.
Either way, it can feel challenging sometimes, but the options are out there. And as always, don’t be afraid to host something and just throw the invites out, worst case people are too busy but most of the time people want to hang out, they just don’t want to plan it.
I had my prior life completely destroyed, and spent about 5 years getting my health together, and last August began integrating myself back into society. Starting with zero social network, in just a few months of dance classes and social dancing, I have more friends and things to do than I’ve ever had in my life. I do swing/Lindy Hop, which is popular in my area, and also some ballroom dancing, but a lot of people do Salsa/Bachata. I cannot overstate how awesome this has been for meeting people. As a single man, it’s especially powerful, as you have an easy introduction (“would you like to dance?”), you’re immediately in their intimate space, and if you’re any good at all you’re delivering a fun, custom choreographed experience that lights their face and makes them smile from ear to ear. At 60 years old, my social life has never been better, and I’m having fun with attractive women of all age ranges.
How do you learn to social dance?
All of the dance classes I take include some amount of social dancing after, so that you can practice what you’ve learned. Everyone is very friendly and will dance with you, as they’re all there to learn. For popular dances, there will be bars and nightclubs with music and dancing. With swing, I can easily go to events 5-7 nights per week, many of them free. I’ve found the community friendly and helpful, and we coordinate which events we’re going to via a whatsapp thread.
Start with the dance class then find an extrovert to throw you in the ring somewhere
hobbies
Yes, I have a million hobbies, but they dont exactly result in friends to chill with
Join a local woodworking guild.
Thats the one hobby I don’t do, I suck at wood ! I like welding tho
Dead ass though, if you like nerdy stuff, go to conventions.
You need a 3rd space. Join a sport/hobby/club.
The real problem is meeting people while being selective. Hosting events and posting online is an option but you literally can’t be selective and you’ll have to be okay with nobody showing up sometimes. Attending other peoples events might suit you though!
You could make friends through a multiplayer games dischord.
Going to the same place regularly is a good one. Cafes, Book stores, etc can be 3rd spaces, especially if they host community events. Bars as well but that isn’t gonna contribute to a healthy lifestyle.
Younger crowd works for a bit in your early 30s but every year past 35 it feels less and less natural. It’s not just generational, like they’re in a completely different phase of life. At a certain point you’re just not growing up tbbh.
RE people with kids, you gotta just accept that they’ll participate when they can.
Step 1: move to a big city with high rental cost in which having kids is not feasable for young families. Step 2: start a social hobby there Step 3: life the hedonistic lifestyle!
Perfect !
cons. go to the next dragon con.
Real talk. Got a small con near me that attracts some surprisingly big names. I’ve made a couple friends there not even trying.
oh yeah and small ones are almost better. I have never even been to dragon but I know its the largest outside of worldcon.
Lemmy needs a DC community
My hope with federation was that more groups would actually make an instance and a few communities around their specialty. like the world science fiction society or various large cons or like maker spaces.
Actually just saw this:
https://sh.itjust.works/c/FanConventions
Just posted Shore Leave; if it stays up, I’ll keep posting my locals and maybe other folks will, too.
I’ll be honest I don’t know how much the advice will work.
The advice is simple: do social stuff, be social, and you’ll end up in a social group.
That being said, the advice is (a) mind-numbingly “have you tried putting one foot in front of the other foot” for someone that knows how to make friends, and (b) the advice is damn near useless/impossible for someone that doesn’t know how to make friends.
Personally, I’m in group B. I don’t know how to find clubs where people do stuff. I don’t know how to find a place to volunteer.
It sounds crazy in 2026 but check your local library.
I have unironically tried that. They looked at me like I was in fact crazy once I clarified that I did not wish to enroll a child in their arts and crafts thing.
Look into volunteering some of your free time. Search for opportunities that put you out among people, do the things parents don’t have time or energy for. It’s okay if helping the community isn’t your main motivation, the work doesn’t care who does it. And it self-selects the other participants to be somewhat like yourself, especially if you let your interests drive your choice of where to donate your time.
I have thought community gardening would be fun
it is but I did not meet many people when doing it. Everyone is coming at odd hours as they get them to quickly go over their plot. Except for maybe getting it started I was only there for like 15min spans.
That makes sense. Its not really a time slot sort of thing
That’s a great idea.
Just to repeat whatever other people are saying here: Join any scheduled activity that happens weekly.
You can do yoga, spinning, sports when they have 30+ groups, dancing, pottery class, painting class, hiking groups etc.
You can also convert other friend sources to board game groups via house parties where you have easy games first then bring out harder stuff later.
Board games are great its just hard to schedule a night for them !
It is harder to make your friends play boardgames than making friends playing boardgames.
Join a social club. Join a boardgame club. Look online, sometimes people post stuff on Facebook. And go a couple of times, to get the feeling for the attendees. And never forget:
I rather play a shitty game with cool people than play a cool game with shitty people.
Many queer people, including couples. Some do of course, but the majority do not.
just cruising or walking around outdoors etc
Hiking clubs, cycling groups, and other hobby clubs. Even potluck dinners. Yeah, some older people will try to find ways to get free time and touch base.
I’m nearly 43, so at the prime age of struggling to keep friendships alive. Here’s what I do - I appreciate I am not exactly a typical person - but also I don’t have kids which makes me slightly different anyway.
I do comedy a lot. Helps with making friends.
I also run in a run club
I take classes - comedy/clown (i trained at a clown school instead of going to university), acting, swordfighting, tap dancing, music. Music is usually 1:1 but then I go to comedy and music jams and meet people.
But one can extrapolate to - pottery, painting, robot building, hackathons, book clubs, political groups, conservation, hiking…
Usually I wait til week 2 or 3 and suggest grabbing a bite or a drink before or after class. Do it enough and you just end up with friends who invite you to birthday parties and shit and now you have friends.
And then my wife’s friends all have partners and we’ve formed a HABS (husbands and boyfriends) movie club. We are currently watching a Sylvester Stallone movie once a week.
