My ex-street dog:

Prison mode activated. Someone is trying to shiv or smother me in my cell. Make blood curdling threat noises and fake bite anything at body temperature.

Oh, we were snuggling? Let me give you a betrayed face.

One of our cats curls up at or on my feet at night. I generally get a little bit of movement, but if there’s too much, the claws come out, and I get punished.

If I wake up, he often comes up to my head and demands attention. He rarely actually wakes me up, he has the decency to wait for me to wake up. Usually.

Still a better deal than my wife gets, our 60lb dog loves to curl up with her, baking her and sometimes even kicking her out of bed. Several times a week I wake up and she’s not there, while the dog is curled up on her pillow.

I roll around all over in my sleep. my brother had a cat that loved to sleep with people. she would sleep in one little corner when on my bed.

It’s either this or “DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR! KILL THE INFIDEL!”

or: Oh, good, you’re up! I’ve been patiently waiting for extra early breakfast.

I can shove mine halfway across the bed and he won’t even get up.

“Also, I puked in your slippers. You’re welcome.”

I miss my cat. I’m a side sleeper and she would (eventually, after doing her night cat stuff) sleep right on whichever butt cheek was facing up. I’d need to roll over, first few times I’d just wait longer in that position but eventually I’d just slowly start changing position and she’d wake up and hop over to the side to let me roll over then settle back on her spot once I had settled.

I have the opposite problem.

I’m very sensitive to heat, so when my pups adjust position it always wakes me up, and I want to kick them out of bed but it would be way too unkind, so I am dealing with it until my body adjusts. Thankfully that’ll be less of an issue once summer’s passed.

I hate how accurate this is

This is 100% my grumpy old lady cat. She also feels this way if I have to adjust how I’m sitting because she came to my lap but didn’t get balanced correctly and is sliding. I’m like friend you are the one who choose to be here. Why are you yelling at me?

Until 3 am wakey-wakey time

(as I type one-handed at 3:30 am, Da Mouse in my left hand and spouse asleep in bed)