Hi all I need a sanity check.
Diagnosed ADD as a kid, struggled to pay attention and care in school, was on concerta for a decade. Parents would up my dose if my grades went down and expected me to grow out of ADD once I turned 18.
That didn’t happen and my life fell apart and I vowed to never take medication again because I saw it as a conspiracy to sell pills and get people messed up in the head.
After 15 years of emotional dysregulation and crippling anxiety I spoke to a dr and tried an extended release amphetamine yesterday.
My whole world changed. No emotional noise, no background feeling of “I’m a bad person and I don’t know why”, social anxiety is gone (was able to respond to all my messages and even make a phone call AND talk to a cashier!!!). Was able to do tasks I left behind because the anxiety to start was too bad.
I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to now. My self confidence is up. I don’t dread things. I woke up calm. My mind used to be a firehose of thoughts and emotions all at max level. Now it’s calm and orderly and logical.
This seems too good to be true. I didn’t even know existence could be like this. Is this normal? Is it the honeymoon phase? Is it just because I’m taking an amphetamine? I’m beside myself and life feels like I’ve got all the cheat codes now. It seems too good to be true.
Yep. There will be dosage adjustments later as you develop a tolerance, but it’s life changing.
One of the things you should be prepared for is grief; being able to function properly on medication made me look back and think what my life could have been like if I had been diagnosed and treated sooner. I had to grieve for the life I missed out on because I didn’t understand how to help my brain function until my 30s.
I am not only overpreparing for grief, but also extremely hesitant to start any medication because I live in a volatile part of the world and don’t know if I can be comfortable depending on medicine that can’t always be found. I’m also scared about things like traveling with medication, or losing professional credibility/legal rights, since it’s still somewhat stigmatized.
I’ve grieved following much smaller improvements to my life.
In 2020 the entire country ran out and people started rationing and sharing their medication. So there’s precedent for people figuring things out.
You will function without meda as you are functioning now without meds. It may feel like a bigger hurdle when you know things can be easier, but as long as you keep up your strategies for functioning you will not lose anything. You’ll only gain better days - even if they are not every day.
Plus grief is a lot easier to deal with when you have better emotional regulation, like with meds.
I agree; it’s even easier than before to live a few months without meds, because there are no stacked up chores and missed deadlines when you start. I work systematically with lists, and one important list is for things that would improve things “permanently”, such as getting and installing a dishwasher, improve finances, delegate and so on.
The grief is honestly one of my biggest fears with starting medication. I don’t want to face that my life could have been so much better.
Of course that’s not a good reason to not seek help logically, but damn if those built in guilt trips and shame aren’t incredibly strong.
Don’t feel grief for this time a year from now.
The best time to plant a tree is 30 year ago, the second best time is right now.
I did it, I was at peace with the grief after maybe a week. Or at least it wasn’t my biggest problem any more.
Yeah I’m in the process of finding a psychiatrist now. It’s just been difficult fighting my own built-in reluctance.
Thanks :)
My issue was more “getting help with ADHD requires you to fight the effects of ADHD to get appointments and referrals”
In the UK it was impossible. In the Netherlands, the system is more caring.
Don’t let it hold you back, it’s worth it. Grief is a part of growth.
It does no good to look at what could have been. I was diagnosed well into adulthood and I could very easily spiral on the what ifs. Every previous possible me would not be the same me that I currently am so I only concern myself with what I do, not what some other person would do
It is my understanding that part of the effect, especially the medically desired effect, does not build (much) of a tolerance. The part that feels like a recreational drug does, but it’ll still regulate noradrenaline in the prefrontal cortex all the same with the starting dose.
These are hard to exactly tell apart, though; it’s a blurry line.
I’m just a tall guy who weighs 200+ lbs. I started at 5mg and built up from there. I guess it wasn’t tolerance so much as adjusting to the dose?
I had a similar experience with Lisdexamphetamine: Started at a ridiculously low dose to make sure I can take it, which surprisingly already had a significant effect for a few hours! Then I worked up to the normal dose over the span 9 - 12 months.
Especially during that time, it felt “too good to be legal”, like you can constantly be on a fantastic recreational drug AND get shit done!
My view of separating “desired medical benefit” and “recreational drug euphoria” is certainly very simplified, and the “recreational” effect also boosts productivity. And it is hard to tell which is which. Maybe I have not even found the perfect medication for myself yet, but it sure is life-changing already.
Ya I heard that it’s possible that one may go through a grief stage. I haven’t felt it yet thankfully. I think about all the missed potential but in the end, I lived my life on hard difficulty, still made friends and memories and did cool experiences. I’m trying to frame it as “sure on paper you may have lost a decade and a half, but it took that time to come here and now the world is an oyster and you’re hungry af”.
I appreciate the advice from you 😊 it’s all relative since bodies are all different but approximately how long did it take for ya to require a dosage increase? I’m on day 2 and I’m all clammy and gross feeling due to the side effects haha. I can’t imagine taking a larger dose anytime soon
I slowly built up over a couple years, then when I quit drinking I was able to reduce down to just over half my top dose.