We have all seen those memes about how seeing people Info-dump is the hottest thing ever, but even in normal conversations listening to people talk is chore in of itself. I get bored quickly and look somewhere else or interrupt them with my own thoughts or try to predict what they are going to say.
It feels like i am more interest in myself and what i care about than what the other person has to say,who they are or what they care about.
And yes, i am aware how beyond self-centered that is and i do wish to work on that but i am also wondering if others have similar experience.
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It’s a skill you can learn. If you’re into TTRPGs, I’ve found that can be a great way to practice, because the format is engaging, and the nature of the game benefits from equal contributions. I try to make characters that focus on setting up other members of the party in different ways. When we’re in combat, I try to involve other characters in tactics, and in roleplay, I make an effort to involve everyone at the table. GMing is especially good for this, as you want your party to be doing most of the talking, and you want everyone to be having fun.
As I’ve played more, and interacted in other casual social situations, I’ve definitely gotten better at filling an appropriate role in a conversation. I’m the host! It’s my job to make sure everyone is comfortable and engaged. Usually that means asking smart questions and getting people onto topics they naturally enjoy, usually to do with their own lives. Shared interests are a bonus (and often the roots of a friendship). And it’s something that I can do anywhere, even if I’m not actually hosting the gathering, because it just comes off as being genuine
We should hang out. I’d rather listen than think about what I’m supposed to say.
I met a person like this, and married her. It’s great. I never have to worry about keeping the conversation going, and can just enjoy being with her and contributing when it’s natural for me
Practice makes perfection, two-ways conversations included, I’d say, and it’s something that people with ADHD should still be able to learn to do to my understanding.
And while I recommend trying to teach yourself this skill, if you find it too hard, no shame in looking for help.
And having in mind how the conversation can be beneficial past an immediate interest could help making you stick at it for longer too.
This looks like a job for fidget toys!
Honestly, such a great tool, you can use your hands while they talk and it is much easier. Also other things like gardening, walking, and so on can fill the same niche. Just have something your body can do while you are listening and it will be easier.
Also, consider having some music in the background, or be playing a game together like a card game or similar to break up the talking.
Maybe also tea and biscuits? Just something to have your hands and mouth occupied and make not talking easier.
I go through phases with similar thoughts, and it very much depends how comfortable I am with life. An aspect of my mask (audhd) is channeling patience as a form of love…something I struggle to understand. Do I tell people close to me that I’d rather not listen to what they are saying, or do I stay patient and engaged to show them that I appreciate that they are in my life? It can be super draining, and I often need time to recharge. I recognize that I enjoy when people are engaged when I talk about my interests, so even if it’s sometimes a lie, I’ll stay engaged for the people I care about to return the favor.
I love hearing others info dump, usually. Topic dependent. Sometimes i’m being polite.
I still often try to predict what people are going to say or interrupt with my own thoughts - as i do that all conversation.
But i am engaged and interested and want to hear what they have to say. The more interested i am, the more connections are going off demanding to be spoke.
I try to remind myself to hold back, or mentally repeat a few words to remind myself what i want to say as i focus on listening: “Ugh-huh” arzhan 1 spectral cavalcade “oh really?” arzhan 1 spectral cavalcade “i would’ve thought the opposite!” arzhan 1 spectral cavalcade “That was so interesting! Okay, so there’s this archaeological site…”
Having a conversation is a two way affair and if you are involved in the conversation you can choose to try to steer the conversation. However I think you may have a compulsory need to talk, driven by your thought process.
Maybe try to keep in mind what you want from the conversation. Is it an opportunity to bond and share thoughts with the other person, or are the topics discussed the most important thing and the relationship secondary and worth sacrificing?
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I notice that being alone for prolonged periods of time makes me kind of load up on thought and insights that I want to dump on people. So the first person I see after isolating myself for a while gets the waterfall. But once that’s out, I can listen. The challenge is findig people who actually are interested in my thoughts and wait their turn. Luckily they exist. Can anyone relate?
