It depends on who the friend is. I have a lot of friends that I don’t need to talk to all the time.
I would say curb your emotions and look at possibilities that may exculpate or condemn your person. Then I would take the time to consider past experiences with this person and make a decision on whether you feel it’s an interdependent (not codependent) relationship, and whether or not you feel used, and base a decision on that, coupled with how much you value the friendship.
Honestly not enough context here to answer. Are they a former close friend, distant aquintence, former love interest? Do you have a pattern of long period of time with no catch up? A lot of thing in relationships are contextual based on set expectations.
Sorry, can’t do that.
Depends on how close we were and the reason and surcumstances for that long break.
I have lots of contacts and friends that i really just forget to message every now and then because both of us are buisy
I would fail to respond.
Depends on the favor and if you want to do it of course. I’d say be better than them and respond, don’t bring up the last time, and if you don’t want to just kindly say that you don’t want to or can’t.
Since I don’t know details, I assume it’s someone you haven’t talked to in 6 months and they want help moving or something, I’d say “Hey good to hear from you! Unfortunately I can’t, sorry, but let me know if you want to meet up for a beer or something”
keep it simple and vague. You don’t need to give them a reason or an excuse, just simply can’t.
I love this response. It feels like justice to treat someone the way they’ve treated you, but ultimately that doesn’t create the kind of relationships and society that I want to live in.
Of course it’s a case-by-case thing, because everything is nuanced and no one knows what OP’s relationship has been like and what kind of person either of them are. There are circumstances in which I would agree to help because I feel like I can and I want to create “good karma.” There are circumstances under which I would say exactly what you suggested. And there are circumstances under which I would not respond at all.
In other words OP, there’s no right or wrong answer here. Do whatever is most consistent with the kind of person you want to be, factored in with not making yourself vulnerable to potential abuse.
Exactly. I try to be fairly neutral in situations like this. Being nice would be to feel guilted into it and give in, but that will only tell them that it worked, it won’t renew the friendship. Being negative will only convince them you’re an asshole. A clear answer here the truth, it’s not mean, it’s not nice, just right in the middle.
I find that treating shitty people kindly just lets them know they can continue being shitty and people will still be nice to them. Accidents happen and people deserve some leeway but if someone is known for being shitty I think it’s better to give them the same energy they put out.
If you punish an adult (within social norms) you mostly get negative results. If you give them grace you might not get it in return but you also are less likely to suffer.
That would work for someone having an off day. Not an actual shitty person. If they knowingly didn’t reply for half a year and only messages back when they wanted to use them, that’s likely an actual shitty person.
Shitty people usually lack empathy, which is why they are ok with being shitty. If you treat them with kindness, they are much more likely to keep abusing the situation. When I refer to a shitty person, I’m talking about narcissistic, machevellian, slightly sociopathic types of people.
Game theory says otherwise
Could you elaborate? I’m no expert, but what the previous poster says sounds like tit-for-tat to me, which is a good strategy.
Wait six months and ask them for a bigger favor.
Agree but then don’t do what they asked for 6 months.
Depends on the person, on the favor etc.
Is this somebody whos a good friend and we just fell out of contact? As long as the favor isnt too bad, id probably do it.
Is this somebody I met at a bar, texted once and never heard from again? id not respond.
My knee jerk reaction is I wouldn’t respond.
They’ve gone through their contact list and finally arrived at your name.
Ignore it. Or reply and see if they’re interested in renewing contact even if you don’t do the favor (They probably will ghost you again as soon as you say no).Depends who it is. For the guy i consider a brother from another mother, I’d probably help. 35 years of friendship will do that.
Yeah, my best friend and I regularly to 6+ months without talking because we live in different states, but he knows I’d drop everything to help, and vice versa.
Ask what the favour is?
It is possible that they responded but it was never received.
or they never got it in the first place. verizon loves to munch on sms here on the work phone.
Interestingly, I just had a conversation today about voicemails and/or texts not showing up for months.
Or they have ADHD and said, “I’ll respond after I finish this.”
last night i put something in the fridge while doing the dishes. i went back to the dishes. i noticed then that the door of the fridge didn’t quite close all the way.
i did that very same thing–i’ll close that when i’m done here.
i didn’t.
i remembered the next afternoon when i went to the fridge to get something.
