A year ago I broke up with my gf of 8 years after finding out she cheated on me and had been for a long time.
I quite literally have zero friends remaining at this point. Every single mutual friend has stayed friends with her and completely ghosted me. I can only suspect I’ve been slandered and that’s why nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. I tried going to local shows as that was my community but it’s completely sucked the fun out of things because it’s a small city and there’s always eyes on me from different corners of the room like I’ve done something wrong and I don’t feel welcome anymore. So I’ve just stopped attending concerts which used to be my safe space. Standing by myself watching the band while people stare a hole in the side of my head isn’t exactly enjoyable.
My lived experience has now taught me that 90% of people are cheaters, liars, and thieves, and while I know that’s not reality, it’s fundamentally changed the way I approach friendships. I don’t open up to people anymore because I don’t trust anyone anymore.
I don’t think or care about my ex but the friends who ghosted me still cause daily intrusive thoughts. I don’t know why I’ve been abandoned. No closure and no way to defend myself. I never expected how much more it hurts to lose friends than it does to lose a partner.
I miss my friends but they’ve proven they don’t care about me so when they inevitably reach out to me there’s no way I’ll be able to forgive.
Probably I need to go back to therapy again but just curious if anyone has experienced similar.
Is the breakup and ending of friendships related to the rape accusations levied against you that you posted about 20 days ago?
https://lemmy.ca/comment/23387798
Burying the lede there a bit if that’s the fuller context to your situation.
Edit: I’m not saying I think you’re a rapist. I don’t have enough information to formulate an opinion responsibly. I’m pointing out your former friends seem to have that perception, so that might contribute to you feeling like they’re all staring a hole into the side of your head.
I’m going to apply a user tag and stop engaging now. Arguing with me is not where you need to spend your energy, nor I with you.
Ah, so it’s the consequence free “soft-murder” woman hold over men now.
Yell rape and ruin a guys life. Even if they manage proof innocence, their life is fucked. The woman can even go on to say she was lying about the whole thing, but that doesn’t “undo” anything. Unfortualty this often leads to suicide, which why I call it “soft-murder”. On that note, you are not alone, if you’re having suicide thoughts, get help!!!
I’m sorry OP, this really sucks for you. Frankly, in the long term, you’re probably better off moving far away and starting new. And if people start asking questions why you don’t seem to have many past ties - crazy ex spread life ruining lies, and you were forced to leave. It’s better people have your story before they inevitably “find out”.
The “Me too” movement turned from exposing monsters into a power grab. It really sucks, all they’re doing is planting seeds of doubt when actual victims need help. “Was she really rapped or did they have a bad fight and she’s just spreading lies as revenge”. That is not helpful to anyone.
it’s not necessarily consequence free. i knew a couple of ladies who got fucked by their false rape accusations. it does happen.
however, the consequences are typically rare and only bite them in the ass after multiple accusations or escalations that involve the legal system.
further there are edge cases where people delusion convince themselves of abuse/rape after the fact because it gives them a ‘get out of jail free’ card in their own heads of the shame/guilt they feel. and on the flip side, i have had newer partners try to convince me my old partners were abusers as a way to elevate their own status with me, etc.
people do all sorts of crazy/toxic stuff when it comes to sex and relationships, that is rarely discussed because it makes folks uncomfortable. lots of crazy manipulative stuff that goes on in relationships and sex is normalized or excused.
Yeah same situation, but even people who knew me for 20 years shouldn’t have bought into that nonsense especially knowing the history of the relationship
I guess there’s nothing you can really do to ever come back from this if this is the root problem. Just my word vs hers and she’s expert level manipulator
Edit: I didn’t come here to argue with anyone. But sure, tag me as “probably a rapist” and don’t talk to me. I’m getting used to it. Lol
Maybe you were having a bad day in the above linked convo, but fyi you come across as needlessly argumentative and more than a little misogynist. Tbh i didn’t even see the comment where you talk about being accused of rape because your others were too off-putting for me to continue reading.
Your comments make you seem angry at women. That doesn’t make you a rapist, but it goes a long way to explaining why all your friends would believe an allegation.
I’ve tagged you as ‘reasonable human??’ because your comment was far too sensible for the internet.
Yeah, raping someone would justifiably make someone lose all their friends.
Being accused of something is fully different than actually having done it. Just because somebody accuses you of something doesn’t mean it’s automatic that you are guilty. In the comment that was linked, he literally said somebody falsely accused him. So I have to ask you how do you know that he’s actually guilty?
Thank you man. I am honestly surprised and hurt at some of the reactions here. Even strangers on an anonymous forum have immediately demonized me over this. I’m glad I posted this thread because it proves my suspicion - nobody will ever believe me and that’s just the reality of my life now. Even showing people concrete evidence of her trying to kill me isn’t going to change anything so I guess I just have to somehow own it
Why would I write that comment if I was guilty? It was an obvious cry for help lmao and now I’m embarrassed I said it
because many folks are incredibly sexist. and they think their sexism is ‘good’. because women are always victims in their minds, and if a man is ever a victim, well he deserved it because of ‘systematic oppression’.
just ignore them.
and further, those who haven’t dealt with manipulative women, or false rape accusations, love to pretend they don’t exist. because it would break their fantasy world where all women are angelic and men are demonic. instead of men and women both being people capable of shitty things.
Just the other day I was having an argument with some cuckoo here on lemmy about how they believed all rape accusations should be considered guilty until proven otherwise. It’s insane how stupid some people get.
it makes people feel powerful to take absolutist stances like this.
and weak people love to feel powerful. you typically won’t see such stances coming from productive happy people
But I didn’t, so what am I supposed to do?
You’re going to have to confront the allegations, likely one by one or with a few people. You’re going to be upfront about it and you probably won’t be successful with everyone.
That said, it is kind of a bad sign that you led the discussion here first talking about a break up rather than starting with the rape allegations, since the people who know the two of you are likely going to take that as a tacit admission of guilt.
What can you do? Hypothetically you take each one of them aside and you force them to tell you what she’s been saying about you. And then somehow demonstrate that she is lying.
Now that’s hypothetically.
Realistically, there’s no way that they will want to change their mind anyway. Unless you have some really solid proof that you didn’t do it. And ans anybody can tell you , trying to prove a negative is almost impossible.
So that means realistically, there is really nothing you can do about it. I mean, you can catch a couple of them when they’re alone. And try to find out what She said. But if they’ve already bought into the bullshit from her then what do you do?. I don’t really see a way back from that.
By the way, I’m going on the basis of she’s lying and that she falsely accused you. As I only have your comment in the other post where you said she falsely accused. I have no way to know what did or did not happen. I’m just giving you information based on what I have. All I can say is good luck and try to move forward. Only you would know if you’d be able to approach those people and have a chance of sitting down and making them listen.
probably not the right tone to use when those people probably believe him to be a rapist
It’s the implication.
LMAO
You read my comment there and that’s your reaction? Wtf?
Why would I write that if I was guilty of said thing?