Normally, I am fine with people having kinks. However, choking is straight up bad, on account of actually damaging a key part of the body. Backdoor action involving toys is good fun when they are appropriate for the job - but there is no such thing for the neck.
Please, just don’t. Spank your partner with a crop, give em’ titty twists, do waxplay, pretend at rape if they have a safeword - but just don’t risk their wellbeing. Their lives are literally in your hands if you go for the throat. 🫤
You can chokehold without cutting much oxygen. Just pressing in om the side / back with your fingers, not at the front aswell as gripping a bit higher on the neck.
Depends what the kink is i guess. If you literally want to be choked then yeah that’s dangerous. But if you just like to be held / hold there are pretty safe ways to do that
I think it depends on how close to full choking you get. Gentle to moderate, broadly dispersed “chokingesque” pressure is fine as it doesn’t significantly interrupt blood flow. Using enough force or concentrating force to occlude the carotid arteries is asking for trouble.
Not only is there the risk of ischemic brain damage, the carotid sinus, located where pressure is often placed, is prone to arterial plaque formation due to increased turbulence. Disrupting those plaques can break them loose, causing a stroke. That’s how a mate of mine lost much of the use of his right arm, though I suspect he wasn’t getting choked out. Never asked though.
Giving your partner brain damage is so sexy!
My partners come with that, or else they wouldn’t be interested in me.
Lol, good one.
Yeah, someone from the UK told me just yesterday you could go to jail for it. It’s absurd.
is that Sayori from DDLC?
On a choking meme, to boot?
I hear of more and more young women who are foregoing relationships and one big reason is the pornification of sex. It seems that no one born into the always online porn generation has real old fashioned sex anymore. It’s all porn mimicry. And not surprisingly, the majority of women don’t enjoy it since most porn isn’t about women’s enjoyment but their degradation and pain.
porn is evil
Many moons ago there were intelligent people advocating for a serious upgrade to the sex ed programs. The usual idiots shut it down of course, but the idea was that, among other things, we need to teach sex ed in an age of online porn. Accept that kids who want sex will get sex, and that kids who want porn will find porn. Start teaching them that porn is as much fake, pandering entertainment as the WWE. Scripted, planned, consent and paperwork ahead of time, body makeup, dick makeup, permanent makeup under the runny makeup, they don’t show the prep, they don’t always show the lube. The orgasms are mostly fake (even the guys). Most women don’t like to be slapped or choked, especially without asking permission. In fact most women don’t want anything done to them that you don’t want want done to you.
My advice for young people, and really everyone, is that you someone can’t talk about sex and go buy condoms, they aren’t ready for sex. Communication about it before, during, and after makes for the best experience. Also, you can like things in porn that you wouldn’t do in real life.
This was the advice I was given as a young man by my dad.
He told me that porn is an accurate as depiction of sex as Commando is an accurate as depiction of warfare.
But the importance of having a pithy one-liner ready to go whenever you finish someone off is real and true in both cases.
As someone who has experienced neither, I agree!
It goes the other way too, though. Since there’s limited porn meant for women, so the pool of porn women use ends up with overlap. It desensitizes the women too. I wouldn’t entirely agree, since there are people that just enjoy things that way, regardless of the porn they do or don’t view.
I think its come from the fact that teachers are being approached by teenagers and being asked how they should choke someone during sex, because they think its a normal thing everyone does. Not something some consenting people do.
Also there have been several high profile cases of woman being strangled to death and the men getting off with light sentences because they say it was a consensual sex game.
Teachers, who are there to teach, need to then know how to tell the boys about reality, communication, consent, and safe practices. They also need to be backed up by the administration if a patient complains about it.
Ask your partner first and respect what they say. Communicate the whole time if they want to be choked. Choke gently on the sides, not the throat. Do it to yourself first to see how it feels. (with hands, not rope)
I don’t by the “oops, kinky sex” defense. People into way harder stuff don’t have that problem.
Yup. There’s a massive difference between sexy erotic “choking” and actually throttling someone.
Yes if your partner is into it they will probably say they want it harder, but especially if you don’t know your own strength, you need to know there’s a line you can’t cross.
I wouldn’t recommend serious breathplay unless you actually seek out legit BDSM community, but harm reduction advice here: a “full choke” where your breath actually catches in your throat should not last for more than a second, and then immediately check-in by loosening your grip and looking for a consent refresh.
Damn, I’m too old for this shit…
David Carradine wasn’t.
I’m still wondering if he was assassinated for some mafioso shit.
Touché.
can’t even have a woman sit on your face in the UK. It’s a shame.
Justin Hancock, a sex educator …
Ooof
And people protested this by having a mess face sitting session outside of parliament.
But seriously, I’m trapped on this acursed archipelago. I hate the British Government so much.
I fled years ago, but now, because the Yankee money ran out, I’m fucked on finding my next job.
jesus, what a shithole
that’s *exactly* what I said, last time me and my partner did this!
i thought british people used a different word than “jesus”. something like blimey or bloody 'ell
Oi mate ! Got a loicense for that arse ?
Monty Python in shambles
I won’t stand for this!
That’s okay, you’re not supposed to stand
(unless the woman is very very tall)
pauses
…woman?
Can I interest you in a queening chair?
I’m intrigued!
They unbanned this in 2020
Well i left in 2018, and it didn’t hit international news that it got unbanned
COVID made porn very relevant again
The British soap opera “Coronation Street” is doing a related story on this currently. Two kids, 18ish, having sex for the first time and he chokes her and she ends up having a stroke because of it. This is not a natural act but something that is heavily intertwined in the internet porn world and we learn by observation a lot of the times.
You’re supposed to be stroking during sex that’s how people cum.
rofl
Well…I’m no expert. I bow to your superior knowledge.
Meh, it shouldn’t be normalised, it’s degrading and copy cats will absolutely do it in non consensual ways. This is well into the realm of BDSM, and needs clearly established consent, not some move that people will pull out at random because they saw it in a screen
The government should be able to decide what to do in bed? Come on
This is about media content not bedrooms, so yes.
But if people do get in to choking very few will do proper consent and safety, so this absolutely gets into being a police matter
awful lot of pearl clutching on lemmy.
Anyone who wants to get into anything even remotely BDSM-y should have mandatory reading of Sunstone first.
There’s a character there who lost her hands because she wanted to impress her dom boyfriend and tied herself to the bed with self-tightening knots. The boyfriend - not aware of the fact - was home late. By that time she lost strength in her arms, the knots tightened and cut off blood-flow and her hands had to be amputated.
This shit is sexy and hot, but dangerous if performed by unaware/inexperienced people.
BDSM can skirt some safety lines. It’s generally easy or at least quite obvious how to be safe if you know what you’re doing, so ignorance or extreme behavior are usually what get people in trouble.
The more minor incidents do make for great stories if you know anyone who works in A&E. “I tripped and fell on a courgette.” Sure you did, love.
If you ask medical professionals , nearly any amount of choking is pretty unsafe/not worth the risk.
Obviously putting your hands there and pretending isn’t a problem, bit anything harder carries substantial risk.
Speaking anecdotally, at least 50% of my previous girlfriends have enjoyed it and even encouraged it. One even taught me the safe way to choke them. That being said, my current girlfriend is very much not a fan. I don’t really care either way, whatever gets them off
Does this account for either windpipe chocking and side pinching?
No choking of any kind is safe. It’s all edge play.
There’s a huge difference between a firm hold and chokehold. Giving someone a firm grasp is a safer way of doing that if you’re gonna do that at all. It’s not as dark romance book boyfriend hot, but it has the added benefit of not leading to accidents.
There’s a huge difference between a firm hold and chokehold.
So much this! I think it’s under-communicated that you have this whole spectrum from “placing hand lightly on neck” to “actual strangulation”, and there’s a whole lot of fun to be had without getting close to the dangerous side of that spectrum at all.
Yeah, the cuties ask me for the lack of oxygen high. I’ll keep ya words in mind
It is fair, I think, to set your own boundaries with how close to choking you are willing to get - consent requires BOTH to enthusiastically consent, not just the sub.
I think a safer scenario involves some playing along from the sub. A firm non-choking grip just below the throat to signal to them to hold their breath - that way they can actually breathe the entire time and reflexes can kick in if they need to, but you are strongly encouraging them to play along with the pre-established signal instead of actually restricting airflow. To someone deep enough in subspace that can feel just as intense as an actual choke without the risk.
The problem is that the average sub has a deathwish and they cum harder in proportion to how close they get to it.
And then you have to be the party pooper and go “no sweetie I will not be tying a noose around your neck”
One can only go so far tbh.
Tell my last 2 girlfriends this. They don’t care.
see also: fisting
oh i’m seeing it
Habdeb Daddy?
Call me old fashioned, but violence in the bedroom should be simulated, not actual. Can a girl consent to being punched? How about stabbed (with a knife) or shot (with a gun)?
Sexual liberation is about enjoying your body, not permission to become a goddamn Cenobite. Some kinks should be shamed.
Some kinks should be shamed.
Only the sick moralism kink that leads people to shame sex they wouldn’t want to have themselves. That should definitely be shamed out of existence.
Call me old fashioned
Regressive sexual moralizing is a red flag that a person is a huge piece of shit. “Old fashioned” is putting it lightly. Keep these awful options of yours between you and whatever regressive church you go to, creep.
Arguably it is. No one expects to be choked literally to death. Just like any other consent/consent play: you consent to being forced, within boundaries - and you really really need a safe word and/or other safeguards. As the dominant, you are morally responsible for adhering to those boundaries, ensuring the safety of your partner, and fulfilling whatever they expect to get from the play
Some girls will consent, just as some boys will do.
I’d die happy being asphyxiated between a pretty girl’s ass or tits. It’s risky but I’d give my consent nevertheless. Stop being sexist by infantilizing girls.
Knife / edge play is a legitimate kink.
It is possible to consent to being shot, yes. It is still illegal.
just like how it’s possible to consent to taking illegal drugs or breaking the speed limit in a car
Does the UK government actually differentiate between simulated and actual? Isn’t most porn “fake” anyway and should be presumed to be simulated?
Too bad they made “simulated” choking illegal then.
Disagree.
Some people are into that.
yes. no. no.
any other questions?
I use to be against this kind of banning thing, but then algatherms. The most shocking stuff gets pushed due to the attention it naturally creates thous normalizing it to people who would not take the care needed for this kind of thing, and as people have said here might not even be safe when done correctly but when you see it getting pushed to teenagers…
but when you see it getting pushed to teenagers…
WoN’t AnYbOdY tHiNk Of ThE ChIlDrEn?!?!
Sexual choking causes brain damage, mainly resulting in emotional dysregulation. Yall ever wondered why every girl who ever asked you to choke her turned out to be fucking psycho?
That seems like more of a chicken and egg problem
You had me in the first half, not gonna lie
The first sentence is research, second sentence is my speculation
