Honestly, the penis in the vagina is sometimes the least exciting part about sex with that arrangement of genitals.
The same is true the other way round too. Which makes it all the more frustrating that a lot of women think their whole contribution to sex is to lay there and provide a vagina.
Think of everything you like being done to you apart from PIV. Chances are that men like that too when you do it to them.
A woman being actually active, showing what she wants, using her hands both to touch her partner, but also to show what she likes (e.g. putting her hand onto his hand while he’s doing something she likes and pushing/holding the hand there) is incredibly sexy.
Being touched/stimulated on everything that counts as erogenous zone is nice.
Think of anything that counts as foreplay with women. Chances are men like that too.
To put it differently: Think of having sex, and the only thing your partner does is touch your clit and PIV, no other body contact. There’s a lot missing, isn’t there?
Communication is really sexy too. If you want something, say so. If you like what’s happening, say so.
Show that you are alive, in the moment, and there with your partner, not just waiting for the time to tick away while thinking about laundry. (Even if that’s not what you are, that’s what your partner might think you are doing if you minimize reactions and participations, and that’s decidedly not sexy.)
It’s really not so much about that secret magic technique or something, just about really being present, trying to find out what your partner likes, being happy to participate and experiment.
That said, look up “frenulum orgasm” if you want to surprise your partner with a secret magic technique that they themselves might not even know. It’s the male equivalent to a clitoral orgasm, and many guys have never heard of it.
Great write up, thank you very much, I will study more.
Some things are harder to achieve in the moment without former practice, and even sexy talk is better trained in calmer settings, but life is messy and… people in general need less work and more time for themselves and each other.
Sex is a skill, and like any skill it takes research and practice.
But I’m sure there aren’t many men out there who wouldn’t want their partner to practice on them, so go for it!
In the beginning I used to always plan beforehand to have a couple cool things I could do, maybe something to surprise her with or something. And backup plans in case the original idea didn’t work out as expected.
First comment: “My 30 seconds just isn’t going to cut it.” -> Clearly a man
Second comment: “That’s why you have a mouth and hands, potentially even getting your thigh in there. Honestly, the penis in the vagina is sometimes the least exciting part about sex with that arrangement of genitals.” -> Telling a man that PIV is not the only thing to do, but that he should be putting in more effort than just offering a penis
Third comment (my comment): “The same is true the other way round too. Which makes it all the more frustrating that a lot of women think their whole contribution to sex is to lay there and provide a vagina.” -> Telling women that PIV is not the only thing to do, but that it would be cool if they too put more effort in than just offering a vagina
First comment: “My 30 seconds just isn’t going to cut it.” -> Clearly a man
Second comment: “That’s why you have a mouth and hands, potentially even getting your thigh in there. Honestly, the penis in the vagina is sometimes the least exciting part about sex with that arrangement of genitals.” -> Telling a man that PIV is not the only thing to do, but that he should be putting in more effort than just offering a penis
No, that says “there are other ways to have sex than PIV,” it does not say "you should be putting in more effort "
Third comment (my comment): “The same is true the other way round too. Which makes it all the more frustrating that a lot of women think their whole contribution to sex is to lay there and provide a vagina.” -> Telling women that PIV is not the only thing to do, but that it would be cool if they too put more effort in than just offering a vagina
Your response to a woman saying “there are other ways to have sex besides PIV” is “it would be cool if women put more effort into sex.” You’re telling this to the woman who is saying there are other ways to have sex besides PIV. All she said was “you can use your mouth, too!” to the guy making a joke about lasting 30 seconds. Nowhere did she say anything about men at large. Do you think this is some competition between men and women so you had to throw in to say “no actually women are worse?” Do you genuinely not see how what you said in this context was totally uncalled for and sexist?
Or you’re both reading the intended meaning uncharitably and huffing your own farts over your own superiority, which is exhausting and pointless to reply to.
The point was clearly, “It goes both ways.” He can use his mouth, too, so can she! Boo lazy men lovers, boo lazy women lovers. Unless that’s what you’re into!
Acknowledging that there’s different ways to have sex besides using a penis isn’t some crazy statement that needs to be challenged by complaining about women.
I’m honestly surprised by the piling on of downvotes. I thought people here were at least slightly more self aware than reddit, given how LGBTQ inclusive most instances here are, but I was obviously naive.
Fair enough, I missed a word in the first sentence: “These** men”
He took great offense to idea of sex being more than a penis being inserted into a vagina. It says much more about him than anything else I’ve said here.
Not for nothing, but the tendency for people who get along purely by being conventionally attractive to starfish isn’t like, a secret. Lack of effort isn’t really a gendered thing.
My comment wasn’t talking about people who exhibit a lack of effort with sex.
There’s a lot that goes into why a person may starfish during sex and, maybe surprisingly to you, a lot of it is rooted in lack of sexual education and/or sexual abuse.
You’re literally talking to a woman who puts in effort with sex. Enough to know there’s a lot more ways to try to please someone than shoving your dick inside and calling it a day.
You’re certainly not qualified to teach anyone about pleasing others in bed.
Geez, maybe it’s because I’m tired af and it’s the end of the day, but I’m really having trouble following the thread here. I shouldn’t have to type out my history, but I’m NOT unfamiliar with SA, nor with having sex with men/masc-types. Falling back on implied accusations of nonconsent/SA to win an argument where it wasn’t brought up until you typed it out is kinda scummy.
I genuinely do not read where they are doing what you’re saying they’re doing. All they said was someone laying down and not putting effort into sex may have a history of trauma. Meanwhile, you and the other fella kinda were ridiculing people who do that…
Not for nothing, but the tendency for people who get along purely by being conventionally attractive to starfish isn’t like, a secret. Lack of effort isn’t really a gendered thing.
Where I very specifically narrow it down to vapid people who are in it for self-pleasure as opposed to mutual enjoyment.
The acrobatic inception of the idea that we’re talking about people reliving trauma instead of just being emotionally checked out like the entire previous thread implied is what I take issue with, it’s some legitimately heinous fake ally shit to use that as a non-sequiter argument.
And yes, implying that I or the guy before me continued on through a partner reliving trauma IS nonconsent which IS rape. You can’t imply one without implying the other.
So you think that’s the level of effort a woman is supposed to put in, because she’s a woman and thus can’t be responsible for her actions? That’s incredibly sexist.
Man makes woman cum every single time for the last 10 years.
You:
It’s your fault, because you are a man and complaining about a woman not putting in effort is sexist.
Of course you didn’t know any of what is actually happening, but because I’m a man, you instantly assumed that I must be doing nothing. That is incredibly sexist of you. Check your privilege.
The same is true the other way round too. Which makes it all the more frustrating that a lot of women think their whole contribution to sex is to lay there and provide a vagina.
Alright, the replies are crazy here. So what do you suggest then?
That (a) everyone educates themselves on how their body and the body of their partner(s) work, (b) that everyone educates themselves on how they can pleasure their partners (and optionally themselves too, why not) and © that everyone actively participates and contributes when they are having sex, all of that irrespective of gender or sex.
It’s ok to sometimes lay back and enjoy your partner running the show, but if that’s the case every single time, then you are doing something wrong.
I meant more like what do men like other than PIV or blowjobs. Just fishing for ideas.
Ah, gotcha.
Think of everything you like being done to you apart from PIV. Chances are that men like that too when you do it to them.
A woman being actually active, showing what she wants, using her hands both to touch her partner, but also to show what she likes (e.g. putting her hand onto his hand while he’s doing something she likes and pushing/holding the hand there) is incredibly sexy.
Being touched/stimulated on everything that counts as erogenous zone is nice.
Think of anything that counts as foreplay with women. Chances are men like that too.
To put it differently: Think of having sex, and the only thing your partner does is touch your clit and PIV, no other body contact. There’s a lot missing, isn’t there?
Communication is really sexy too. If you want something, say so. If you like what’s happening, say so.
Show that you are alive, in the moment, and there with your partner, not just waiting for the time to tick away while thinking about laundry. (Even if that’s not what you are, that’s what your partner might think you are doing if you minimize reactions and participations, and that’s decidedly not sexy.)
It’s really not so much about that secret magic technique or something, just about really being present, trying to find out what your partner likes, being happy to participate and experiment.
That said, look up “frenulum orgasm” if you want to surprise your partner with a secret magic technique that they themselves might not even know. It’s the male equivalent to a clitoral orgasm, and many guys have never heard of it.
Great write up, thank you very much, I will study more.
Some things are harder to achieve in the moment without former practice, and even sexy talk is better trained in calmer settings, but life is messy and… people in general need less work and more time for themselves and each other.
Sex is a skill, and like any skill it takes research and practice.
But I’m sure there aren’t many men out there who wouldn’t want their partner to practice on them, so go for it!
In the beginning I used to always plan beforehand to have a couple cool things I could do, maybe something to surprise her with or something. And backup plans in case the original idea didn’t work out as expected.
After a while it becomes really easy.
And yet you targeted women specifically.
“Targeted”. Do you even read what you write? Anyway, you are noise, and boring noise at that. And thus blocked.
What a gross comment.
Yes, certain observations can be uncomfortable but that’s not a bad thing. It provides substance, for one, which your comment lacks
First comment: “Conventional sex can be the least exciting part of sex.”
Second comment: “Yeah, so many women just lay there and contribute a vagina.”
You: “What an insightful comment!”
🤮
No.
First comment: “My 30 seconds just isn’t going to cut it.” -> Clearly a man
Second comment: “That’s why you have a mouth and hands, potentially even getting your thigh in there. Honestly, the penis in the vagina is sometimes the least exciting part about sex with that arrangement of genitals.” -> Telling a man that PIV is not the only thing to do, but that he should be putting in more effort than just offering a penis
Third comment (my comment): “The same is true the other way round too. Which makes it all the more frustrating that a lot of women think their whole contribution to sex is to lay there and provide a vagina.” -> Telling women that PIV is not the only thing to do, but that it would be cool if they too put more effort in than just offering a vagina
Your comment: 🤮
I’m sorry, can we read those back again?
No, that says “there are other ways to have sex than PIV,” it does not say "you should be putting in more effort "
Your response to a woman saying “there are other ways to have sex besides PIV” is “it would be cool if women put more effort into sex.” You’re telling this to the woman who is saying there are other ways to have sex besides PIV. All she said was “you can use your mouth, too!” to the guy making a joke about lasting 30 seconds. Nowhere did she say anything about men at large. Do you think this is some competition between men and women so you had to throw in to say “no actually women are worse?” Do you genuinely not see how what you said in this context was totally uncalled for and sexist?
Not only does he not see it, but the amount of upvotes on his comments reveal yet again the majority opinion on this site and it’s disgusting.
Or you’re both reading the intended meaning uncharitably and huffing your own farts over your own superiority, which is exhausting and pointless to reply to.
The point was clearly, “It goes both ways.” He can use his mouth, too, so can she! Boo lazy men lovers, boo lazy women lovers. Unless that’s what you’re into!
I wasn’t talking about anyone being a lazy lover.
Acknowledging that there’s different ways to have sex besides using a penis isn’t some crazy statement that needs to be challenged by complaining about women.
I’m honestly surprised by the piling on of downvotes. I thought people here were at least slightly more self aware than reddit, given how LGBTQ inclusive most instances here are, but I was obviously naive.
This is where all the incels went after they were pushed off of Reddit.
Those sentences don’t connect, your reading makes no sense. Try this:
first comment: sex isn’t just about penetration
second comment: and yet a lot of women seem to think this, given how many just lay there
There’s simply no way this man has slept with enough people to proclaim that most women don’t put in effort during sex.
Their comment wasn’t gendered at all. Yours, however, went straight to being divisive and attacking women…
Edit: Lots of downvotes and no replies. Someone please tell me what I said you disagree with
Yes, the first comment was gendered.
It replied to a man telling him that he should be doing stuff apart from PIV.
Of course, if you ignore the context, you can interpret it differently. But ignoring context invalidates any conversation in general.
My comment was not gendered.
You’re just a transphobe.
Please show me where she said “you should be doing something.” All I read is that she provided some other options for sex
These men with their soft feelings can’t handle sex that is on equal footing.
I’ve topped more men in my life than these men have fucked women. I know what I’m talking about and it upsets them hahaha
Hey now, don’t generalize about men or you’re doing the same thing that rude dude did lol
Speaking as a man, it’s not soft feelings leading to this, but deep insecurities, often totally subconscious
Fair enough, I missed a word in the first sentence: “These** men”
He took great offense to idea of sex being more than a penis being inserted into a vagina. It says much more about him than anything else I’ve said here.
What a disgusting comment to make to me. That’s not the inverse of my comment at all.
Have you tried making the sex better for them by chance? You’re really telling on yourself here.
Not for nothing, but the tendency for people who get along purely by being conventionally attractive to starfish isn’t like, a secret. Lack of effort isn’t really a gendered thing.
My comment wasn’t talking about people who exhibit a lack of effort with sex.
There’s a lot that goes into why a person may starfish during sex and, maybe surprisingly to you, a lot of it is rooted in lack of sexual education and/or sexual abuse.
To check your prejudices, please complete these two sentences:
A man who doesn’t take care of his partner during sex is …
A woman who doesn’t take care of her partner during sex is …
Selfish and probably not even enjoying themselves, certainly not enjoying their partner.
Not all men have penises and not all women have vaginas, you can actually go fuck yourself.
My comment wasn’t talking about people who exhibit a lack of effort with sex.
True. And who’s job is it to educate a grown woman on sex? Are you so sexist that you think women can’t be responsible for educating themselves?
You’re literally talking to a woman who puts in effort with sex. Enough to know there’s a lot more ways to try to please someone than shoving your dick inside and calling it a day.
You’re certainly not qualified to teach anyone about pleasing others in bed.
Kid, you aren’t reading, are you? Too busy being angry.
If I believed that, I wouldn’t be a woman who took responsibility for educating myself on sex, would I?
I’m not the one struggling with reading comprehension here.
Yes, you are.
Can you elaborate on
?
You’re the one defending the sexist comment.
Geez, maybe it’s because I’m tired af and it’s the end of the day, but I’m really having trouble following the thread here. I shouldn’t have to type out my history, but I’m NOT unfamiliar with SA, nor with having sex with men/masc-types. Falling back on implied accusations of nonconsent/SA to win an argument where it wasn’t brought up until you typed it out is kinda scummy.
I genuinely do not read where they are doing what you’re saying they’re doing. All they said was someone laying down and not putting effort into sex may have a history of trauma. Meanwhile, you and the other fella kinda were ridiculing people who do that…
I’m going to copy my original comment:
Where I very specifically narrow it down to vapid people who are in it for self-pleasure as opposed to mutual enjoyment.
The acrobatic inception of the idea that we’re talking about people reliving trauma instead of just being emotionally checked out like the entire previous thread implied is what I take issue with, it’s some legitimately heinous fake ally shit to use that as a non-sequiter argument.
And yes, implying that I or the guy before me continued on through a partner reliving trauma IS nonconsent which IS rape. You can’t imply one without implying the other.
Being nasty about women laying back and only offering their vaginas is worse than anything I’ve said.
So you think that’s the level of effort a woman is supposed to put in, because she’s a woman and thus can’t be responsible for her actions? That’s incredibly sexist.
What a sexist comment.
You:
It’s your fault, because you are a man and complaining about a woman not putting in effort is sexist.
Of course you didn’t know any of what is actually happening, but because I’m a man, you instantly assumed that I must be doing nothing. That is incredibly sexist of you. Check your privilege.
I see reading comprehension is a struggle for you.